posted by Parveen on .
Q)'The radio crackled as the distant voice spluttered and died.Now they felt completely alone., but surely there must be others like them out there.
Write a narrative,using this last phrase at the beginning or end of your story.
'Sami,Sami! Please god, keep him alive. My son,My beloved son.' These frantic screams echoed into the thick, dusty atmosphere. Over and over again. A second bomb had just been heard, followed by terrified residents pointing and cursing at the army helicopters which loomed above.
Clutching her long body piece, Mama Zeina, a widowed mother searched with a heavy heart for her disabled son Sami, who lost both his arms and sense of sound in an attack long ago. Sweating profusely, for the blazing sun was now at its highest point, she called for him, asking on lookers if they had caught sight of a young boy. 'No' was the reply she received. Always.
Evening approached. The sky transformed itself into an orangery-red color, but all was far from peaceful in the refugee camp. 'Sami,' Moma Zeina collapsed in exhaustion She hadn't drank anything for over seven hours. In her aching hands, she held a square shaped box, which she now opened. An old, battered radio was taken out and Mama clicked on the shiny, red button, and held it up to her covered head, a look of true hope in her anxious eyes. Passers by offered her water, which she accepted with gratefulness.
A short while after resting, Moma Zeina came across a young child, whom she recognized to be Ahmed, her brother's son. 'Ahmed,O Ahmed. Have you seen Sami?'Just as he shook his head, a blaring speaker began to yell out.The few words being said made Mama’s blood freeze in terror. 'Flee Everybody,Condition Worsening bombs.' She brought out her radio, for better news perhaps. But the same message was being conveyed. Over and over again.
'Aunt Zeina!Aunt Zeina!'Ahmed ran to his aunt's tent.Most people had left,so there was less congestion in camp.
'What is it Ahmed?'was the mournful reply.
'Sami has been discovered. ALIVE!'came the overjoyed response.
'OH AHMED!WERE?!'Mama Zeina was out of her tent in a split second, a look of utter relief on her face. Tears of joy ran down her face as Ahmed lead her to a nearby cave. And sure enough, Sami lay there,dehydrated,but glad to be reunited with his mother. Moma Zeina provided him with as much fluid as he needed and was ready to leave,when she heard the distant rumbling of a helicopter.She refused to leave the cave. Had any bombs been thrown? She reached into the tattered box and clicked on the red button of her radio.'The radio crackled as the distant voice spluttered and died. Now they felt completely alone , but surely there must be others like them out there
Please check this piece of writing. I appreciate the help.
The content seems fine.
Read your paper aloud, one sentence at a time, from the end to the beginning. You'll hear a few things that need correcting. (Or better yet, ask someone to read your paper aloud to you, one sentence at a time, from the end to the beginning.)