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July 31, 2014

Homework Help: ENGLISH Revised

Posted by Kayla on Friday, March 30, 2012 at 12:02pm.

BACKGROUND:
Ten years ago, I started working as a clerk for DMD Medical Supplies. Six months ago, Liz, the human resources director, promoted me to office manager. I manage two employees: Jack and Ruth. My office provides secretarial support for the four members of the executive team. Two years ago, Liz had assigned Jack to support Ralph Alane and Jessica Hilo. Ruth was assigned to Samuel Daley and Frank Daley. The work flow was equally balanced. I've noticed that in the last three months Ruth has cut her breaks short to complete her work, complains of being tires, and at least twice a month requires overtime hours costing the company an additional $200 a month. In the last three weeks, Frank Daley has complained to me a few times about the poor quality of Ruth's work. On the other hand, over the last three months, Jack frequently seems to have little to do. He has begun coming in late a couple times a week and taking more than the allotted break times. What work he does have, however, is always professionally completed.
I must investigate to determine what is causing this change and how to improve the situation. Since nothing has changed in the personal lives of either Jack or Ruth, I conclude I must focus on the in-office work situation. I learn the following facts:
Samuel and Frank Daley share a part-time administrative assistant who works only 15 hours a week.
Ralph Alane and Jessica Hilo share a full-time administrative assistant.
Jessica Hilo has been on medical leave for the last four months, and Liz Jakowski isn't sure whether Jessica will be able to return to work.
Jessica's duties have been temporarily reassigned to Ralph and Frank.

I don't have the authority to change the work assignments of the two administrative assistants or the executive team, I clearly need to change my office assignments so that Jack and Ruth work regularly without requiring overtime.

SOME QUESTIONS I ASK MYSELF:
1. How long has this situation been going on?

2. Why did the problems begin when they did?

3. Am I able to solve the problem at its root cause or am I only able to manage the impact of the problem?

4. Is this a temporary or permanent problem?

5. How has the company been affected?

6. How have the employees been affected?

7. What's in my power to change? What must stay the same?

8. What are two or three ways to improve the efficiency of my office?

9. How much work, time, and money would be required to implement each solution?

10. Does each solution stop all the negative effects?

11. Are there any benefits to the change beyond stopping what is occurring?

12. How exactly would each change affect Jack, Ruth, and the executive team?

13. What would I have to do to make sure each change goes through as planned and to monitor the situation once the solution is in place?

I have to use the following information in the different sections:

SECTION 1-
Facts and figures that define the problem (the cause)

Details that show the impact of the problem (effects) on Jack, Ruth and the company.

SECTION 2
The steps needed to change the situation

Reason to implement each step, including the benefits to my employees, my supervisor, and the company.

Information about my role in the change.


Can someone please check for paragraph structure, grammar, run-on sentences and punctuation.
Improving your writing - Kayla, Thursday, March 29, 2012 at 10:30am
Sorry forgot to paste the paragraphs,,




For the past three months, I have noticed work related problems occurring within our company of DMD Medical Supplies; the quality of work has not been satisfactory, causing employees to be stressed, and the workflow has been uneven amongst both teams and their executives. I feel the number one problem is with Ruth and the executive team Frank and Samuel; they are working without a full-time assistant. Due to this problem Ruth has to work overtime hours, (costing the company an extra $200 a month), which in turn is causing her to submit work that is not completed to our company’s satisfaction. The second problem is Ralph and his team having to work without Jessica, who is off on indefinite sick leave. Taking into consideration that her tasks have been spread out between both teams, and Ralph’s team having a full time assistant, Ralph’s assistant Jack is showing signs of not having enough work to keep him busy. Jack produces excellent quality work but because of not having enough to keep him busy he have been showing up late for work, and voluntarily extending his allotted break times. This problem are affecting our company tremendously, and has to be addressed to ensure customer satisfaction. I do not have the authority to make changes within the company, but I will schedule a meeting with Liz Jakowski, the Human Resources Director, and all teams involved. These issues need to be discussed as a team. As office manager, I will address Liz with ideas, which I feel, may work for the company and both teams.

My first solution to solve the problem would be to assign both teams full time assistants, which will cost the company an equal amount of money being paid already, by having full-time assistants, Ruth would not have to work overtime to complete her work. Secondly; by assigning 70% of Jessica’s tasks to Jack, it will give him a heavier workload and in return will get him back on a regular schedule. I believe if these proposals do not work after a three-month trial period, hiring a temporary replacement for Jessica will have to be put in place. With teamwork and dedication, we can, and will keep DMD Medical Supplies customers happy.

ENGLISH; improving your writing - Writeacher, Friday, March 30, 2012 at 8:50am

Change the first semicolon to a period, and make the first letter of the next sentence a capital letter.

"amongst" - are you living in 17th century England? Use "between" when you are comparing two items (or groups), and use "among" when dealing with three or more.

Change "Due to" to "Because of"

Delete either the parentheses or the commas -- you don't use both for the same phrase.

"This problem are affecting" -- ???

"ideas, which I feel, may work" -- delete commas

"full-time" -- the hyphen is needed every time you use this phrasing.

"Secondly; by" -- correct the punctuation

"hiring a temporary replacement for Jessica will have to be put in place. " -- wordy. How can you rephrase this in fewer words?

ENGLISH; improving your writing - Kayla, Friday, March 30, 2012 at 10:06am

REPHRASED and punctuation corrected...

For the past three months, I have noticed work related problems occurring within our company of DMD Medical Supplies. The quality of work has not been satisfactory, causing employees to be under stress and the workflow has been uneven between both teams and their executives. The number one problem is with Ruth and the executive team Frank and Samuel; they are working without a full-time assistant. Because of this problem Ruth has to work overtime hours (costing the company an extra $200 a month) which in-turn is causing her to submit work that is not completed to our company’s satisfaction. The second problem is with Ralph and his team having to work without Jessica, who is off on indefinite sick leave. Taking into consideration that her tasks have been spread out between both teams, and Ralphs team having a full assistant, Ralphs assistant Jack is giving the impression of not having enough work to keep him busy. Jack produces excellent quality work, but because of not having enough work to keep him busy, Jack has been showing up late, and voluntarily extending his allotted break times. These problems are affecting our company tremendously and have to be addressed to ensure customer satisfaction. I do not have the authority to make changes within the company, but I will schedule a meeting with Liz Jakowski, the Human Resources Director, and all teams involved. These issues have to be discussed as a team. As office manager, I will address Liz with ideas which I feel may work for the company, and both teams.

My first suggestion to solve the problem would be; assign both teams’ full time assistants, which will cost the company an equal amount of money currently paid in salary, but having a full-time assistant, Ruth would not have to work overtime to complete her work. Secondly, by assigning 70% of Jessica’s tasks to Jack, will give him a heavier workload and in return will get him back on a regular schedule. To further my suggestions, if the suggested plans do not work after a three month trial period, hiring a temporary replacement for Jessica should be put in place. With teamwork and dedication, we can, and will keep DMD Medical Supplies customers happy.

ENGLISH revised - Writeacher, Friday, March 30, 2012 at 11:13am

Please study the differences between the uses of colons and

"in-turn" - no hyphen needed

"both teams’ full time assistants"
There is no possessive in here.

"we can, and will"
Why is there a comma here?

ENGLISH revised - Writeacher, Friday, March 30, 2012 at 11:23am

PS -- those are just punctuation changes.

Your rephrasing changes are very good!

Revised

For the past three months, I have noticed work related problems occurring within our company of DMD Medical Supplies. The quality of work has not been satisfactory, causing employees to be under stress and the workflow has been uneven between both teams and their executives. The number one problem is with Ruth and the executive team Frank and Samuel, whom are working without a full-time assistant. Because of this problem Ruth has to work overtime hours (costing the company an extra $200 a month) which in turn is causing her to submit work that is not completed to our company’s satisfaction. The second problem is with Ralph and his team having to work without Jessica, who is off on indefinite sick leave. Taking into consideration that her tasks have been spread out between both teams, and Ralphs team having a full assistant, Ralphs assistant Jack is giving the impression of not having enough work to keep him busy. Jack produces excellent quality work, but because of not having enough work to keep him busy, Jack has been showing up late, and voluntarily extending his allotted break times. These problems are affecting our company tremendously and have to be addressed to ensure customer satisfaction. I do not have the authority to make changes within the company, but I will schedule a meeting with Liz Jakowski, the Human Resources Director, and all teams involved. These issues have to be discussed as a team. As office manager, I will address Liz with ideas which I feel may work for the company, and both teams.

My first suggestion to solve the problem would be; assign both teams full time assistants, which will cost the company an equal amount of money currently paid in salary, but having a full time assistant, Ruth would not have to work overtime to complete her work. Secondly, by assigning 70% of Jessica’s tasks to Jack, will give him a heavier workload and in return will get him back on a regular schedule. To further my suggestions, if the suggested plans do not work after a three month trial period, hiring a temporary replacement for Jessica should be put in place. With teamwork and dedication, we can and will keep DMD Medical Supplies customers happy.

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