Posted by annie on Friday, March 9, 2012 at 9:45am.
please proof read my short story please and make some correction
“Happy birthday Khushi”, her family said as they came to her room at midnight.
“Thank you, Mom, Dad and my lovely sister”, Khushi said with a huge smile. Khushi laid down on her bed and thought, when his would be husband going to wish her. She had a flashback about how she got engaged with a guy of her parents’ choice and she wasn’t ready but she accepts the wedding proposal for her family sake. She felt sleepy so she went to sleep. In the morning at seven o’clock, Khushi went to the temple with her sister, Payal. She wanted to take blessing from God on her 24th birthday and ask for good married life. She was quite not happy because her wedding is in ten days. She doesn’t want to leave her family behind but then she thought every girl has to.
‘’Khushi, I know why are you sad because you fiancé didn’t wished you yet?” Payal said while laughing.
“No, I was thinking something else that you will not understand because when you will get married in three or two years then you will understand”, Khushi said with tears in her eyes.
Khushi and Payal arrived home and saw someone came to their house. It was simple and sweet Khushi’s fiancé. He came to wish her on her birthday. He asked her parents that he can take her out for lunch and her parents said yes to him. Khushi was not comfortable to go with him but she went because she wanted to know him before marriage. She thought she was lucky because her parents weren’t like ancient Indian parents. She got ready in blue saree because her mom told her that her fiancé, Shyam like blue a lot. She wears matching bangles and did makeup.
“You are looking pretty today and this color looks good on you”, Shyam said. They went to the Lucknow’s very famous restaurant. They had a great lunch and they got to know each other. Khushi was happy and she thought maybe this is the one and only for me. They left the place and somebody called Shyam with different name.
“Rahul, Rahul…… Rahul”, stranger was yelling and shouting.
“Why he is calling you with different name” Khushi said in a disappointment.
“Ignore him; I don’t know who is he? Maybe he mistaken me by someone else” Shyam said nervously. Arnav Singh Raizada, the famous Delhi business tycoon came to Lucknow. He came for her sister sake that is like a dead body. He had a flashback, where he and her sister were so happy and he was saying to her sister you are the only person important in my life and I can do anything for your happiness. After her sister husband call came, her sister started crying and was shattered because suddenly his husband wanted divorce. Anjali fainted and Arnav called the doctor. Doctor congratulated him because her sister was three months pregnant and said him to keep her sister happy. His flashback ended.
“I got information about your sister husband, sir that he is getting married in five days” detective replied.
“How dare he?”
“To who?” Arnav said in anger. His detective gave the information about the girl, her family and where they live. He got the address of his brother in law too. He went to his brother in law’s house and tried to convince him in a manner and he even begged for her sister happiness but he said no because he said to Arnav that he found someone better than her sister and I will never leave her . Arnav left from there.
“I will ruin that girls life”, Arnav said in anger while roughly driving.
Next morning, Arnav called her sister but she didn’t give any response like always from that day. She just says her husband name and nothing else.
“Anjali, please talk to me”, Arnav said while crying.
“Rahul, Rahul, Rahul, Rahul….” Anjali was saying and then she disconnected the phone. Arnav was sad because he don’t want to lose her sister like his parents died. In anger, he went to the girl house, which has ruined her sister’s life. He knocked the door of their house and Khushi ran to the door because her fiancé was coming for last day out before marriage. Payal played the prank; she spilled the oil in front of the main door so she can fall on Shyam’s arm. Payal was watching Khushi running to the door and was excited for to see little romance. Khushi opened the door and falls on Arnav arms and then she looked up and saw it was someone else. Arnav stared Khushi for few minutes because she was looking great in green saree. Arnav can’t stop staring at her. Khushi took three steps backward and Arnav introduced himself and asked to come inside. He told the whole story of his sister and his brother in law. He request to stop the wedding but khushi’s dad didn’t believe Arnav and he threw him out. Arnav didn’t have any choice than using his power because he was rich man. He cleverly owns their business and their house. Khushi was getting ready for her wedding and the phone call came. She picked the phone and was in shocked to hear that Arnav Singh Raizada took over their business and their home. She went to meet him on her wedding day without telling anybody because she didn’t wanted to make her family sad. She arrives and warned Arnav to stop doing what he was doing.
“I will stop this if you agree what I will tell you to do” Arnav said with a smirk.
“I will do anything for my family sake” Khushi said to him while crying.
Arnav made a deal with Khushi that she has to marry him just for six month. Khushi shocked to hear what he just said it. For Khushi marriage is joyful new beginning but she agrees to marry him for her family sake. She went home with Arnav and Payal opened the door and was shocked. Arnav and Khushi were holding hands and they both were wearing the wedding garlands. Everybody were shocked even the guests.
“We got married “Khushi said while feeling embarrassed.
Khushi’s mom slapped her because she insulted her family front of the people and she got married to someone else on her wedding day. Her family shut the door on her. She was crying and Arnav told her to stop crying. Next morning, they arrived to Delhi to Raizada mansion. She was in pain because her family didn’t listen once. Other hand everybody was happy to see new bride and they welcomed her with their family rituals. Arnav told Khushi her that they will act like happy married couple front of the family but I in his room, they are stranger. Khushi slept on the floor and Arnav didn’t care and went to sleep on his bed.
“She is recovering “, doctor sister said
Arnav was happy and hugged her. Khushi was always thinking where is her husband? And why Arnav tell her that he will be back. Khushi hates Arnav because what he did to her and always telling her sister lie. Arnav hates Khushi because of her his brother in law does not accepting his sister. Rahul came to Raizada mansion for her wife signature on divorce paper. Anjali saw her husband and ran to hug him and she did. She was like back to normal and she fainted. Rahul took her to the room because he still cared about her. Doctor came and told him that they should be care in these days. Rahul was all confused because he did not knew her wife is pregnant. Arnav come back to the home from office and went to sister room like he always goes. He was shocked to see Rahul back. Rahul finds out that her wife is pregnant and he was happy to hear this and he changed his decision and tore the divorce paper. Anjali life became happy and Arnav was happy too. Rahul apologies to her wife and Arnav for everything he did wrong and they accept his apologies.
“Where is the remote?” Khushi said to herself. She saw Shyam and she froze to see him the Raizada mansion. She thought he came to take from here but he came to apologies for everything and he told her the truth. She was all shattered and she slapped him so hard. He didn’t felt bad because he knew that he did wrong. Khushi ran from there. She saw Arnav and hugged him and cried. She stepped back and thought how he was saying the truth to her family and to herself but we didn’t believe him and how he tried to tell her in these two month and she just insulted him. Arnav decided to give divorce to Khushi but he wasn’t happy from his own decision but then he thought how he emotionally blackmailed her for marriage. He didn’t want to give her more sadness in her life. Khushi decided to be a good wife and will save her marriage because she couldn’t hate person who cares about her sister and can sacrifice his own life for his sister happiness. She went to tell Arnav that she wanted to start her married life with new beginning Arnav gave her divorce papers. Khushi shocked to see divorce paper but she didn’t say anything to him just signed the paper because she thought he was happy with this. Both were walking in different way. Both were sad but didn’t know why they were so sad. As they walked farther from each other both has tears in their eyes.
“Tears! Arnav Singh Raizada. Why?” Arnav said to himself. Both thought about each other all night. Next day, Khushi took her suitcase and said bye everybody to everybody accept Arnav Singh Raizada. Anjali tried to stop her but she went because she can’t face Arnav on this day. Arnav was in home office from a night. He was resting because he couldn’t sleep last night. Anjali came to the study and told that Khushi left the house and told her when her flight was leaving, Arnav looked at the time and there were only two hours to her flight to take off. Arnav ran to his car and drove as fast he can without caring about the rules. Khushi met her friend on airport and talked about their life and her friend was talking about her happy married life.
“Sometimes the last person you’d want to live with is the only person you cannot live without”, Khushi said to her friend while thinking about Arnav. Her friend did not agree with her because she had the different opinion. There was an announcement of flight and Khushi walked as she hears the announcement. She was sad and didn’t want to go.
“Khushi………….” Arnav shouted.
Khushi looked behind and it was Arnav and smiled with tears in her eyes. She walked towards him and he walked towards her .they had few minutes of eye lock.
“You can’t leave me”, Arnav said. Khushi wanted know why. She asked her why she can’t leave him while wiping her tears.
“I can’t stay without you because I...” Arnav said
“Because you what”, Khushi said.
“I love you Mrs. Raizada”, Arnav said
“I love you too Mr. Raizada”, Khushi said with smile. They hugged each other and they lived happily after.
eng lit - Writeacher, Friday, March 9, 2012 at 10:27am
Check how to punctuate dialog correctly:
Make sure verb tenses are consistent. I see past and present mixed up in places.
Check to see that you have used the correct word in each place. For example, "She thought he came to take from here but he came to apologies for everything and he told her the truth." Read this aloud and make at least three corrections.
What?? Read this aloud and make corrections: "Khushi laid down on her bed and thought, when his would be husband going to wish her."
Re-post when you have read the ENTIRE STORY aloud to someone and have made corrections. Best of all is to read it, one sentence at a time, from the end to the beginning.
eng lit - zara, Monday, August 4, 2014 at 7:30am
Read the entire story as you have your tenses messed up. You have also written the wrong format of words, whree it should be 'wish' you have written 'wished'.
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