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Business communication

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I have to revise these sentences as if speaking to a 10th grade level in education. Can you tell me if these are correct:
1. We must terminate all deficit financing. Revision: We need to end all debts.
2. We must endeavor to correct this problem by expediting delivery. Revision: Faster delivery will correct this problem.
3. A proportionate tax consumes a determinate apportionment of one's monetary flow. Revision:
Taxes can deplete a portion of one's bank account,
4. It is imperative that consumers be unrestrained in determining their preferences. Revision: It is important that consumers are able to have choices.

  • Business communication -

    I put your revised sentences through Word's took to check readability level. You have revised these to grade 5 level, not grade 10.

  • Business communication -- correction & idea -

    ... through Word's tool ...

    If you use Word as your word processing program and don't know how to find the readability level of a piece of writing, let me know.

  • Business communication -

    it is imperative that the consumers be unrestrained in determining their preferences

  • Business communication -

    we must terminate all deficit financing

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