Posted by Gem on Friday, March 2, 2012 at 12:45am.
That's not a thesis. There's nothing of what YOU THINK in there.
Your thesis statement must include factual information (which you already have) plus your position/opinion/stance. Without your position on the topic, it isn't a true thesis statement. So think of this sentence as the angle you want to take on the topic and what you intend to prove by the end of your paper. (If your statement is simply factual, then there's nothing to prove!)
http://blog.eduify.com/index.php/2009/06/21/5-tips-on-how-to-write-a-strong-thesis-statement/
Read carefully and follow ALL directions.
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html
This is one of the very best places I've seen online to help students write good thesis statements. It shows you sentences that aren't thesis statements and how to turn each one into real thesis statements.
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