english - Writeacher?
posted by Farrell on .
Can someone look over my defitional essay. I'm comparing traditional versus modern family and using the reality tv as my examples arguing that modern is better. Using my own definition. Would like to know if the sentences are in the essay are okay. I am not good at wording them very well. Professor is open to any which way we want to go. As long as the essay flows well.
Please let me know of any changes I should make. THANK YOU!!!
Family values have changed dramatically since the 1950s. A ‘normal’ traditional family commonly consists of a husband, wife, and children, whom all lives in their suburban two-story house, living in harmony with one another. The mother is normally a housewife while the husband job is to protect and provide for the family. Or at least that is how television portrays them to be. Traditional families most often eat together and then spend quality time by watching television or playing games when dinner is over. But does this type of family household describe the typical family today in the modern world? The number of families that are represented by television shows such as "Leave it to Beaver" or "Lassie" are fading with every passing generation. And one might assume that this may have a negative effect when it comes to having a family. However, the more recent version of what family values represent today may have more positive qualities than one might think. Even though an old fashioned family of the 1950s may hold morals and traditional family values, a more modernized family such as the Kardashians can offer advantages due to more democracy and individual freedom within the family.
Since the 1950s, family values are evolving with the times and traditions are continuously changing. But what is tradition? Traditions are customs passed down from generation to generation, from parents to children and so forth. As stated earlier what a traditional family consist of and what normally goes on in a typical family household, does not seem so typical anymore. Traditional families have every day routines. Kids would go to school, do their homework, followed by chores such as setting the table and helping with the dishes after dinner is done. Father would go to work and come home to a nice home cooked meal not having to worry about anything else. Nowadays, this routine is rare. In the television series, “Keeping up with the Kardashians,” this family is far from being the typical traditional family of the 1950’s. Mother is a workaholic, children have their own lives aside from their family, father works as well as taking care of the children, family only eats together on special occasions when time allows it, and there is no daily routine involved whatsoever. It may sound as if the modern family has it’s negative qualities, but it definitely comes with a bunch of great qualities as well that could have a positive effect on its family values.
No one can argue that communication is an important factor in a relationship. How about in a family between parents, or children, or both? A traditional family were not known for its communication skills compared to the modernized family of today. There was less democracy in a typical traditional family. Mother and children had little say in what goes on in a family household. Certain topics such as sex and pregnancy were off limits and forbidden from the conversation, especially in public. Today it is a different story. In “Keeping up with the Kardashians,” parents and children have open communication about almost every topic one could think of, including sex. Even though the father is the biological dad of only two children out of six, they are still treated as equals. Everyone openly talks about any concerns or issues that he or she may have with each other, and there are no issues that the parents have trouble discussing. Not to mention all that technology has to offer such as the internet, email, cell phone, texting, and networking. It is now very easy for the modern family to keep in touch with each other if needed, especially if any problems arise.
Modern families of today definitely have more freedom compared to the typical traditional family of the 1950s. Children now get to participate in decision-making and sometimes make their own choices, especially when it comes to their education. Traditionally, parents would want their sons to follow the footsteps of the father maybe taking over the family business, and their daughters to become nurses or teachers. Some children did not even have the luxury to finish school. Many had to drop out of high school and work to support the family. Some married early and had children which was also typical back in that time period. Many mothers also stayed home and take care of the children and had very little freedom to go out and have a career of their own. Today, it is different. Mothers are having careers of their own and children are doing their own thing and making decisions for themselves as far as education and their future goes. For example, in the Kardashian’s reality show, the mother has her own career managing her daughter’s business. The three older sisters went on their own to open up their own boutiques and are working for themselves, managing their own businesses, something not so common in the traditional world. Normally, the men would be expected to be employed and be married by a certain age. However, in the modern world, when children graduate high school the pressure for marriage is not like it used to be. In “Keeping Up With The Kardashians,” the son is 24 years, still single, and unemployed. In the traditional world, a 24 year old man doing nothing, depending on relatives for money would have looked down upon, and people would wonder if and when is he was ever going to get married. In today’s world, age 24 is a little young to be getting married and having children, especially if one has no college education or a job. In addition, it is an acceptable age for a person who is still undecided about his or her life, even for a man, which gives children more time to think about what they want to do with their lives and also a lot less pressure.
Traditional gender roles are fading away in our culture as well. Husbands or fathers were known to be the breadwinners and mothers or wives would traditionally stay at home and take care of the children. As mentioned earlier, in the Kardashians, all the women are employed, including the mother. She actually works many more hours than the father. Bruce Jenner - who is the father in the reality show - only works occasionally, but mostly gets to stay home and do what traditional mothers would do, which is taking care of the children and doing household chores. The father not only helps out with cooking and cleaning, but he also takes the kids to doctor appointments, shopping at the mall and soccer games when needed. Roles are now being shared between both parents instead of just the typical one in a traditional family which can really help a lot in this time period due to the hectic schedules that parents have.
The definition of family is definitely evolving as time goes by and it sometimes changes rapidly. Some will do their best to remain ‘traditional’ while values of others will develop and change accordingly. Even though traditional families may still exist today, it will eventually be a part of history, because as time passes, so will tradition. Tradition is a process of evolution. People will always be changing and sooner or later everyone must learn to adapt. Today’s changes will create tomorrow’s traditions, but nevertheless, traditions will still continue to be broken and will reshape and redefine what “family” values means as the cycle continues on.
It's hard to read this because of these kinds of problems:
" A ‘normal’ traditional family ..."
"... whom all lives in their suburban ..."
and many others.
In addition, you are including so many sweeping generalizations, it's hard to take it all seriously.
However ... here are some ideas for proofreading ~
Please go over your paper with the following in mind. Thanks to PsyDAG for the following:
In the future, if nobody is available to proofread your work, you can do this yourself. After writing your material, put it aside for a day — at least several hours. (This breaks mental sets you might have that keep you from noticing problems.) Then read it aloud as if you were reading someone else's work. (Reading aloud slows down your reading, so you are less likely to skip over problems.)
(You can also either read it aloud to someone else or have someone else read it aloud to you! The latter works really well!)
If your reading goes smoothly, that is fine. However, wherever you "stumble" in your reading, other people are likely to have a problem in reading your material. Those "stumbles" indicate areas that need revising.
Once you have made your revisions, repeat the process above. Good papers often require many drafts.
I am suppose to generalize. It is a definitional essay. I am suppose to define my own defintion of modern and traditional. This is not a research paper.
But thanks for trying to help.