Homework Help: english

Posted by jon on Wednesday, February 22, 2012 at 11:54pm.

Hi is my thesis statement clear in the following paragraph, if nto how can i make it clearer. Basically I want to show that music programs can positively impact a students education, so music programs shouldn't be cut. Also should I keep out all the standardized test score information?

The result of standardized test scores is an important issue regarding the educational systems across the United States. These tests help a school evaluate how student’s in a given class, district or school perform compared to other students. They’re used as a way to measure skills and abilities of students. Studies have shown that those who participate in music may see more of an increase in their test scores compared to those who don’t participate in music. So why is it then that music programs are being cut?

english - Writeacher, Thursday, February 23, 2012 at 7:52am
The results of standardized tests are used as a way to measure skills and abilities of students.

Studies have shown that those who participate in music may see more of an increase in their test scores compared to those who don’t participate in music.

So why is it then that music programs are being cut?

1. Keep the first two ideas and add something REALLY interesting to get your readers' attention -- maybe some good statistics. You said "studies have shown..." so include some of those numbers -- not a whole lot, but a couple of super-interesting stats.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/intros.htm
Scroll down and read through the 5 ideas given here -- and the details about each one as you keep going down this webpage.

2. Turn the question into a thesis statement.

Your thesis statement must include factual information (which you already have) plus your position/opinion/stance. Without your position on the topic, it isn't a true thesis statement. So think of this sentence as the angle you want to take on the topic and what you intend to prove by the end of your paper. (If your statement is simply factual, then there's nothing to prove!)

http://blog.eduify.com/index.php/2009/06/21/5-tips-on-how-to-write-a-strong-thesis-statement/
Read carefully and follow ALL directions.

http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html
This is one of the very best places I've seen online to help students write good thesis statements. It shows you sentences that aren't thesis statements and how to turn each one into real thesis statements.

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