posted by Fea on .
is this a good narrative essay i wrote?
A very good choice
The day I crashed the bike is very vivid still. I destroyed someone else’s property. The property I broke was not very valuable. Five years ago, my family and I went to Cloverdale, California, My cousins and I went to ride bikes down Taman DR. I was not very good at riding bikes, and the one I borrowed was very tall. We were going down a hill that was filled up with black berry bushes.
The bike had no brakes, nobody decided to tell me that. Here I was, getting all happy because it seemed like fun. Going down the hill, I started to imagine myself as a great biker in a fierce race. Then about to hit a fence, I decided to stop, but the brakes did not work. I pulled and pushed the handle the brake handle, but nothing happened.
I lost control and crashed my cousin’s new bike. I did not get hurt but a little sore and a little scratched. The scratches were painfully stinging but nothing serious, thanks to my helmet. My helmet protected my life.
My cousin was very happy and disappointed. She was happy because I did not get hurt. She was disappointed because her bike was wrecked. It ended up being a happy ending. She was very proud of me because on Christmas I repaid her bike from some money I had in my bank account. I was proud of myself because I could repay something I actually broke.
The story itself is good.
The sentences sound very choppy, as if you were reading from a list. What grade level is this for?
Check for run-ons and for correct conjunctions for the meaning of the sentence.
thank you i am a fifth grader. Yes i will go in and check it Thanks a lot
yea u should go in and check the sentances try reading htem out loud