Posted by Jazmyne on Saturday, January 21, 2012 at 7:55am.
First of all, that's not a thesis statement. It's not a complete sentence. It's just a topic.
Your thesis statement must include factual information (which you already have) plus your position/opinion/stance. Without your position on the topic, it isn't a true thesis statement. So think of this sentence as the angle you want to take on the topic and what you intend to prove by the end of your paper. (If your statement is simply factual, then there's nothing to prove!)
http://blog.eduify.com/index.php/2009/06/21/5-tips-on-how-to-write-a-strong-thesis-statement/
Read carefully and follow ALL directions.
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html
This is one of the very best places I've seen online to help students write good thesis statements. It shows you sentences that aren't thesis statements and how to turn each one into real thesis statements.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Second, the outline's sentences need to be in YOUR WORDS, not quotations from other people.
Example of a good sentence outline:
http://www.oakton.edu/studentservices/learning_center/tutoring/research_paper_tips/sentence_outline.php
Your thesis statement is just a subject title. That is followed by a claim that could be considered a thesis statement (A), and then two quotations.
I don't think you know what a sentence outline is supposed to be. Use this as an example.
http://home.earthlink.net/~khatzi/essay/outlineex.htm
Excellent link, DrWLS. =)
Ok, thanks, back to the drawing board! This is by far the hardest thing to understand for me.
If you're used to writing topic outlines, then start that way ... and then turn each topic into a complete sentence, in your own words.
Related Questions
English2- revised - Question In what ways are full-sentence outlines more ...
writing skills - 20. A disadvantage of using a sentence outline instead of a ...
COM/220 - I need some help with my assignment CheckPoint: Full Sentence Outline ...
COM 220 - in what ways are full sentence outlines more beneficial than topic ...
ENGLISH - In what ways are full-sentence outlines more beneficial than topic ...
research writing - In what ways are full-sentence outlines more beneficial than ...
English 102 - I am not asking anyone to do my homework, i am just asking for ...
Oral Book Report - My book is titled The Battle Of The Labyrinth. I have to do a...
moore - Construct a full-sentence outline. · Develop visuals to ...
teaching - hello. i need help starting a pre-iep outline. i have never seen one ...
For Further Reading