First of all, that's not a thesis statement. It's not a complete sentence. It's just a topic.
Your thesis statement must include factual information (which you already have) plus your position/opinion/stance. Without your position on the topic, it isn't a true thesis statement. So think of this sentence as the angle you want to take on the topic and what you intend to prove by the end of your paper. (If your statement is simply factual, then there's nothing to prove!)
Read carefully and follow ALL directions.
This is one of the very best places I've seen online to help students write good thesis statements. It shows you sentences that aren't thesis statements and how to turn each one into real thesis statements.
Second, the outline's sentences need to be in YOUR WORDS, not quotations from other people.
Example of a good sentence outline:
Your thesis statement is just a subject title. That is followed by a claim that could be considered a thesis statement (A), and then two quotations.
I don't think you know what a sentence outline is supposed to be. Use this as an example.
Excellent link, DrWLS. =)
Ok, thanks, back to the drawing board! This is by far the hardest thing to understand for me.
If you're used to writing topic outlines, then start that way ... and then turn each topic into a complete sentence, in your own words.
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