Posted by Henry2 on Friday, January 6, 2012 at 5:22am.
I'm reposting you a few sentences I checked myself again, because you told me they were too wordy. Could you please have a look at them? Thank you
1)A ghost appears to Hamlet and asks him to take revenge and kill his murderer, Claudius.
1) Correction: A ghost appears to Hamlet and asks him to avenge his murder by killing Claudius.
2)At the end of the play Hamlet manages to kill Claudius, but he also dies and his mother as well.
Correction: At the end of the play Hamlet manages to kill Cladius but he dies together with his mother Gertrude.
3) Hamlet wants to be sure about what the ghost revealed him. So he arranges a play representing the Murder of Gonzago which is very similar to what had happened to his father.
3)Correction: Hamlet arranges the performance of The Murder of Gonzago whose story is very similar to what happened to Hamlet's father (to the one revealed to Hamlet by the ghost).
4) During the play Claudius raises and rushes away showing that the ghost was right.
5) This play is very important because during it the actors become the audience itself that’s why it’s called the play-within-the –play.
4)Correction: the play-within-the play is so called because the actors of the real play turn into (become?) the audience (itself).
5)Then he imagines an afterlife and he sees it as a sleep with dreams in which your troubles follow you and this is a Renaissance perspective.
6) Correction: Hamlet imagines death as a sleep. However, being a Renaissance man, he is tormented by the idea of an afterlife.
English - Writeacher, Friday, January 6, 2012 at 6:52am
1. Correction is good.
2. "manages to kill" = wordy; just use "kills" -- "dies together with" = wordy; just use "he and his mother also die."
3. Correction is good.
4. 2 commas needed; "rises" (not "raises")
See: http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/notorious2.htm #217
5) This play-within-a-play is very important because Hamlet's uncle reveals himself as the murderer by his reaction to the plot.
5)Then he imagines an afterlife, and he sees it as sleep with dreams in which his troubles follow him; this is the Renaissance perspective.
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