posted by Henry2 on .
Could you please help me check these sentences, please? I have a few doubts on sentences you checked some time ago.
1) This ballad is composed of seven parts consisting of four-line stanzas.
2) The mariner's glittering eyes force the wedding guest to listen to his tale.
The mariner's tale starts with (??) a ship sailing southwards towards the Equator.
3) Through nature the poet can gain (obtain is wrong?) a better knowledge of the universe and be closer to God.
4)The stars strech in an ever-ending line.The main cause of the Industrial Revolution in Britian was an increase in population which lead to a rise in the demand for clothes.
5) The Industrial Revolution caused first of all an increase in production..
6) The storm is represented/described/personified as a huge bird. BUT the storm is presented LIKE a huge bird (?)
7) The flowers are presented not statically as in a painting but alive with motion. (They are not presented statically IS wrong?)
3. I'd use "obtain" only for THINGS you can buy or receive.
4. ... in a never-ending ... [and I'm not sure "line" is a good word there]
... which led to ... (present tense = lead; past tense = led)
5. Move "first of all" to the beginning of the sentence. It's interrupting the flow of the whole thing.
6. I wouldn't use "personified" but the others are fine. ("Personified" refers to humans; as far as I know, birds and storms are not humans!!)
I also would use "as" instead of "like" in both places. "Like" is not incorrect, but it seems less smooth than "as."
7. If you use "statically" in this way, you are describing the presentation as static -- however, what you mean is that the FLOWERS are not static, but are alive...