PROOF-READ MY PARAGRAPH
posted by student on .
The first right given to every American citizen at birth is the right to freedom of speech and religion. Therefore, anyone would be able to choose which religion to endorse. Religions such as Christianity, Catholicism, Islamic and Judaism can have major impacts in societies for good or for bad. A lot of laws have deep ties when it comes to these religions. Religion has shaped our government's laws regarding the effect of religion, believes of daily life and whether or not birth control or abortion is acceptable.
There are grammatical and logical errors in the first two sentences. Freedom of religion and speech are two freedoms. The freedom of religion includes freedom from relgion. One dopes not have to choose any religion at all. There is no particular "order" of freedoms, although they are listed in a certain order in the Bill of Rights.
"Islamic" is an adjective, not a noun, like the other religions you listed.
Where you write "believes" (a verb), you probably mean "beliefs" (a noun).
The statement "Religion has shaped our laws regarding the effect of religion" is either nonsense or a tautology. Congress is supposed to make no laws that effect the establishment of religion.
The first right given to every American citizen at birth is the right of freedom religion. Therefore, anyone would be able to choose which religion to endorse. Religions such as Christianity, Catholicism, Islam and Judaism can have major impacts in societies for good or for bad. A lot of laws have deep ties when it comes to these religions. Religion has shaped our government's laws regarding the effect on society, beliefs of daily life and whether or not birth control or abortion is acceptable.
I think it is ok, but I am wondering exactly why in the last part of the last sentence you starting moving to birth control and abortion.
I am therefore reluctant to give you an upcheck unless I know what the purpose is, and your audience.
A greater influence on the concepts of right and wrong than religion, is what individuals make of the religion: how strongly the practice, how strongly they believe what the leaders state as precepts. Take birth control for example: Ever notice Roman Catholic families are not 12 kids anymore? As a public school teacher in the deep South for 20 years, I learned that all "good" families was strongly against abortion,until their own daughters were expecting. And all nice girls from nice families did not take the pill, except in secret, or for "medical" reasons.
So a lot of influences of "religion" depends, it varies on the depth, and on the committment, and in my own personal observation, the other influences in the lives of Americans. There are no suprises that fewer children are born in tough economic times.
Finally, culture is of great impact on what is right and wrong. Is stealing from work right or wrong. Depends. Is telling "white lies" right or wrong? depends.
What I am saying, is that "religion" has many meanings, and often, its control of folks behavior is much overrated.
So your paragraph is OK, but it ought to fit your purpose and audience. Hemingway once stated, that a good author in telling a story makes it more true than if it actually happened. Often, we write of influences in America, as if they are more important than they actually are.