Posted by Hm on Thursday, December 1, 2011 at 8:46pm.
I have started on my initial draft and turning it into an essay.
Like I said before it is about Banning cellphones while texting/driving
and my main objective is that the device serves as a distraction leading to consequences..
We have to use research skills , comparison, illustration , argument and critique skills.
Here we go..
Tell me if I am on the right track..
English Final Essay: Keep your mind on the road
Topic: Banning the use of cellphones while driving ( including calls and texts)
Opinion/Introduction: Ban the use of Cellphones while driving because causes a risk of an accident due to the distraction caused by the device whether it is hand-held or hands-free. Compared to the years when the cellphone was not invented statistics show a number of increase in deaths since then, all these deaths have been due to the usage of cellphone while driving and this has not only hurt the driver, but also the passengers, other drivers on the road and even the pedestrians in some cases. While hand-free telephones maybe a getaway for some, the objective of the ban is to eliminate distractions. Usage of cellphones while driving whether you are calling or texting is a great distraction that attracts a lot of risk, the attention of your eyes are merely not enough.
ResearchBODY 1: The leading cause of many deaths are a majority of drivers distracted due to the use of their cellphones whether they maybe calling or texting. These statistics are not just merely numbers but valid data that drivers should be aware of. While texting maybe take a quickest way to communicate with someone it is also the one of the very dangerous, whether you are an adult or a teenager “Answering a text takes away your attention for about five seconds. That is enough time to travel the length of a football field” ( )
statistics of deaths.
Statistics of number of deaths before the cellphones was invented to today, increase in number of death tolls data. Research that out of all the distractions cellphones are the top on the list and leave the driver with the highest risk.
ComparisonBODY2: There is no reason to why using cellphone while driving should stay legal since the statistics provided only show that there is more harm than any benefit. Compare stats from years ago to how and why the number of deaths have risen.. Compare to how even though there are more distracting things in the car like kids, wife, late meetings.. They all can not be There are many things that add to a drivers distraction while driving, kids, time limit, emotional state, etc but you can only control these things to an extent.. but what you can control is the amount of distraction that is added further by the use of a cellphone.
Illustration:BODY3 Provide a patho story of how someone lost their family in a car accident because of cellphone usage, write a little more about the person and how they are surviving today.
Argument BODY4: Whether it maybe be hands-free or hands-held the point of the device is to create distraction. Therefore the minute a person takes their eyes off the road to their phone screen or the minute someone starts to argue on the car speaker with the driver , the driver is distracted. This distraction is the main argument/reason to why there should be a ban on this device while driving. Distraction is an offset of mind, so whether you are looking at the road but your mind is wandering off you are the most similar to a drunk driver. Even with passengers by your side who can attend your calls for you, many drivers choos to take that risk of multitasking, when in reality there maybe lucky days when the drivers gets away with it but habitual irresponsible actions will just lead it to an ending like (Whoever's family died in the accident)
Conclusion/Critique : Looking over statistics, the increase of the toll of deaths since the past, it is obvious that there is no reason for us to not ban this device while driving a car. It is the drivers responsibility to take care of him self and make sure his actions do not hurt people on the roads. Hence, having the least distractions is the best way to avoid accidents and putting a ban on such an action can save many lives.
From all these facts it is obvious that there is absolutely no reason why there should not be a ban on using cellphones whilst driving. While there maybe many other innovative ways of writing a text and attending calls on a hands free phone there is still risk involved since it is not only about the electronic but about the responsibility of undivided attention that the driver has while driving. Moreover it is vivid that countries who have that ban show great drops in number of accidents then we should really take an initiative as well. There maybe me many violations of the law in the beginning but if awareness and a good fine that make violators pockets lighter, it will teach them a lesson. Remember driving while using a cellphone is not only putting your self in danger, but even a seconds glance on your telephone might hurt the other drivers and pedestrians as well
- English - Hm, Thursday, December 1, 2011 at 8:46pm
Dont look at the spelling and grammar.. I just care about the content at the moment.
- English - SraJMcGin, Thursday, December 1, 2011 at 9:09pm
1. "because causes a risk" = it causes
2. "a number of increase" = increases
3. "then, all these deaths " = a run-on sentence = then; all these deaths
4. "then, all these deaths " = may be
5. "risk, the attention " = another run-on setence = risk; the attention
My eyes will not slide up and down between here and the text. I'm printing your post out to correct. OOPS, I just read the note that you dn't care about spelling and grammar, so I'll stop right here.
The content is on the right track; the grammar is not.
- English - Hm, Thursday, December 1, 2011 at 9:17pm
I am so sorry I should have just posted it in the beginning !
I usually feel like I put a lot of data in to the essay required.
If you say I am on right track with my information and ideas then I shall continue.
Thank you :)
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