Posted by jinal on Thursday, November 10, 2011 at 11:51am.
Since this is to be an email message, you need to check your text/course materials to see what format is expected for emails.
What you wrote is very wordy. Try this:
I am very happy you are back in town and looking for a job. I know you have experience working as a cashier and sales clerk in department stores, and I know you’re looking for a similar job. Here's one to take into consideration: My boss, Mr. Hopkins Fernandez, the owner and operator of Hopkins Real Estate, is currently seeking an assistant. The skills required for this position are good communication skills while answering the telephone, taking messages, setting up appointments, organizing documents, and occasionally arranging meetings. You communicate with people very well, and you are always organized, detail-oriented, and accurate in your work. I know how efficient and punctual you are, as well as always being open to new experiences. I believe you should apply for this job because you have the skills required for this position. It would be wonderful to have you on our team.
thank you so much.
The very beginning sentence might read better as: "It made me very happy..."
departmental stores? It's usually "department stores"
seeking assistant = add AN assistant
"in our team" = on our team
If it is merely an email that you are to send to her, you won't need the salutation or closing of a letter. (Dear X, As ever, X)
thank you so much Sra
Please note that this is the only time I'll re-do your writing for you. Please note all the places where I made changes and learn from them.
i forgot to add one sentence which i think i should add before last sentence -
"I also think this job will benefit you both personally and professionally by having a good scope ahead and also you can built good contacts."
please let me know if i have written this sentence correctly ? thanks for help
sure writeacher i will definitely learn from my mistakes and thanks you again for letting me know my mistakes.
I also think this job would benefit you both personally and professionally by helping you build a good network for future career development.
thank you so much and i will definitely make a note of my mistakes. thanks
You're welcome. =)
Business writing - Background Your favorite cousin has moved to your town and is...
business english - paragraph 2 Background Your favorite cousin has moved to your...
college - Your favorite cousin has moved to your town and is looking for a job. ...
Writing Sentences And Paragraphs - Hello Sir/ Mam, I have assignments to be ...
Writing Sentences & Paragraphs - Please help! Please correct any mistakes ...
history - plz read and tell me if i answered the ? well enough and if any ...
I NEED HELP!!:(!!!! HELP ME PLZ!! - I GOT A FEW QUESTIONS SO what is a cell part...
Math ....urgent help - i just dont get this elimination method ..... plz help me...
math - the volume of a rectangular solid is given by expressions given below.in...
english - your cousin moved to your town and is looking for a job,need help
For Further Reading