Posted by HM on Monday, October 24, 2011 at 4:56am.
First of all, do you have an outline yet? If you don't, writing a thesis will not be easy. Once you get your outline written, post it if you want more help.
Second, get rid of "my" and "we" -- and don't substitute with other 1st or 2nd person pronouns.
And finally ~~ your thesis statement (ONE SENTENCE) must include factual information (which you already have) plus your position/opinion/stance. Without your position on the topic, it isn't a true thesis statement. So think of this sentence as the angle you want to take on the topic and what you intend to prove by the end of your paper. (If your statement is simply factual, then there's nothing to prove!)
http://blog.eduify.com/index.php/2009/06/21/5-tips-on-how-to-write-a-strong-thesis-statement/
Read carefully and follow ALL directions.
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html
This is one of the very best places I've seen online to help students write good thesis statements. It shows you sentences that aren't thesis statements and how to turn each one into real thesis statements.
Ill post my initial draft in a bit then.
thanks
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