Posted by Sade C on Tuesday, October 18, 2011 at 1:09pm.
You have stated obvious facts. Your own opinion or "slant" on all this is missing.
What is your OPINION about all this?
Your thesis statement must include factual information (which you already have) plus your position/opinion/stance. Without your position on the topic, it isn't a true thesis statement. So think of this sentence as the angle you want to take on the topic and what you intend to prove by the end of your paper. (If your statement is simply factual, then there's nothing to prove!)
http://blog.eduify.com/index.php/2009/06/21/5-tips-on-how-to-write-a-strong-thesis-statement/
Read carefully and follow ALL directions.
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html
This is one of the very best places I've seen online to help students write good thesis statements. It shows you sentences that aren't thesis statements and how to turn each one into real thesis statements.
Should I go more into detail?
No. You need to add YOUR OPINION.
Did you read and study all the information on both websites I gave you? Be sure to do so. And then start from scratch.
Ok thanks.
Related Questions
English - Ihave to develop an outline for my essay topic "Healthy eating ...
com/105 - How does this sound for a theses statement? Healthier Eating habits ...
sci 241 - hi this is my assignment and i need only 123 more words out of 1400 ...
english - need help revising the outline to complete sentences in parallel form...
english - i am looking for the main topic in this paragraph would it be In ...
English - Here is my thesis can you please help: Even thought childhood obesity ...
The Science of Nutrition - What is the cycle of malnutrition? What I have read ...
Thesis statement - I need to write my own classification and division Essay of ...
Thesis statement - I need to write my own classification and division Essay of ...
com/105 - Can anyone guide me in the right direction, as to where I can find a ...
For Further Reading