Posted by Angela on Monday, October 3, 2011 at 1:12am.
You have written a very good, very descriptive paper. Congratulations! There are a few consistent problems, but your detailed and thoughtful descriptions of your mom makes her come to life. Nice!
Please work on learning and using correct plural noun forms. Plural forms rarely have apostrophes in them, and irregular plural forms don't follow any pattern at all; you just have to memorize them: people, children, etc.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/plurals.htm
There were a couple of places with parallel construction problems which I fixed. This type of problem usually shows up in series (like a list of 3 or more things).
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/parallelism.htm
Read and compare the following VERY CAREFULLY to catch all the places where I fixed things. Please keep in mind, though, that this is the only time anyone will go through an entire paper and fix everything!!
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She is only about five feet tall and weighs no more than 140 pounds, but my mother Jerealdine is one of the favorite people in my life. She is truly an example of what a mother should be. My mom was raised in a household that included six children. She did not have much growing up, but her parents always made sure that their children were well-taken care of. As I think about her personality, values, and beliefs, I would not trade her for any other mom in the world.
To begin with, my mom has a personality that is as sweet as honey, and I always try to be like her. She likes to have fun and enjoy the company of other people. Looking into her glossy, brown eyes and seeing her big cheesy smile just bring joy to my soul. Mom finds great pleasure in working with elderly people and little children. She takes time out of her busy schedule just to make sure that others are taken care of. Her loving and caring spirit is just like that of an angel. If she is around, others feel that everything is going to be fine.
Next, mom has always had strong values. Jerealdine is a very hard worker. Sometimes it seems as if she does not know when enough is enough. She is the person who always finds a way to improve things. One of her favorite things to do is to work outside in the yard. She plants the pretty flowers and trims the trees so their appearance will be nice. Some people do not realize that the way a yard looks tells a lot about the inside of their house. She is also a person devoted to her family. She is the one that other relatives come to when they need advice about something. She always makes sure that her family has whatever they need and that everyone is doing fine.
Third, my mother has taught me a lot of great things that I have used to become an independent young lady. When I was younger, I remember her setting different chores for me in order to learn how to do something on my own. She had me fold clothes, wash dishes, and sweep the floor. At times, I complained about it, but as I look back, I appreciate her training me to do those things. When she was in the kitchen cooking, she made sure that I was right there with her. She had a little brown stool made just for me to stand upon so I could see how she fixed different dishes. I was most definitely a curious little child, and she encouraged me! To this day, I still enjoy the heady aromas of the tasty food she makes. There is nothing like mom’s home-cooked meals. Jerealdine also taught me how to do fantastic needlework. Sticking my hand over and over again made me become better at it. She sat me down beside her and explained what she was doing.
In conclusion, my loving mother is a woman who means the world to me, who has a good personality, values the things in her life, and still teaches her daughter things that help me become a better person. There is nothing better than spending time with mom, listening to her stories, and bonding closer with her.
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