Final Draft, English essay
posted by HM on .
Hey could you please check this.
It is supposed to be an illustrated essay.
Is it illustrated enough?
Illustration essay: Successful student
The value of education has really fallen in the past years; some say college is hard to cope with and some do not even bother trying. The truth is college is not that hard and there are only two essential steps needed to overcome this thought of despair. Thus, those two easy steps to becoming a successful college student are being punctual to class and dedicated to your work.
For instance, if a student is punctual, he or she attends class daily. Therefore, attending class daily not only shows your loyalty to the course but also benefits you, if the class, has any attendance grades. Moreover, when a student is in class every time, he hears the teacher present each lesson in its original form, and he hears all the questions students might ask, as well as the teacher's answers. This interchange of information, when a lesson, is first given cannot be duplicated. Any absent students will miss all that interaction, and they most likely will not have their own questions answered either. Nevertheless that direct interaction with the teacher can help you dig out information about extra-credit work and not miss bonus quizzes. When you attend class everyday you are more likely to be updated and reminded of the upcoming assignments and thus, you always submit your work on time. Due to this promptness, you are more likely to form a bond with your teacher and fellow peers, which results in more devotion and interest in the course and greater quality work. Attendance to class really does matter as promptitude creates trust and commitment within a person.
Another great attribute a student can have is dedication to his or her course work. To illustrate that, mathematics was never my forte and I would constantly be procrastinating homework and failing on every attempt. It was not until I realized that it was not I who lacked the ability but my mere thought of not being able. Thus, I started making myself believe that I was good at math and started spending sufficient time on learning new techniques; hence in no time I received an A in my class, and my teacher was very impressed. Moreover when you love what you do, you further involve yourself in the course. You become closer to the faculty and all this makes it more promising for you to produce better quality work, which eventually results in high grades. Not only does it increase your ranking but professors who observe your diligence are also impressed and thence write good recommendation letters. Another example would be a clerk, when a clerk loves the work he is assigned. He is more likely to impress his boss and keep his peers happy. This results in promotions and salary raises, similar to high grades and high GPA for successful students.
In conclusion being punctual to class keeps you on track and being dedicated to the course makes you more knowledgeable in the subject. Thus, acquiring both of these qualities does not only make you a prosperous college student but also helps you prepare for your future.
First of all, taking a breath is no reason for using commas. Here's an excellent resource for learning where commas do and do not go. Please use these comma rules, not your breathing!!
For example, this is a compound sentence:
The truth is college is not that hard and there are only two essential steps needed to overcome this thought of despair.
Do you see where a comma is needed?
Delete "For instance" at the beginning of the second paragraph. That's a transitional phrase to be used INSIDE a paragraph, not at the beginning. Delete "Therefore" -- the second sentence is not a consequence of the first. Check out all other transitional phrases/words you have used and make sure they're proper and in the right place.
Go through and rephrase to get rid of all instances of "you" and all its forms.