Hi can you please help correct this paragraph or give me direction. Thank you, the assignment is:
Your cousin has moved to your town and is looking for a job. Her previous experiences are working as a cashier and sales clerk at two department stores. You know she plans to apply at similar stores in your town. But you also know she is a perfect match for a job opening as a reliable assistant to your boss. You know she has the skills, though she doesn't think she is as capable as she is, and you're sure she'd be good at this job.
Your goal is to persuade your cousin to apply for the job. You e-mail her a paragraph explaining the specifics of the job and the reasons she should apply. You want to convince her that she has the job skills required. You'll use and informal tone, of course, but will take care to use correct business writing to show her that you take your recommendation seriously.
Hi Fran,
I wanted to check with you about the customer service job that I had mentioned to you earlier, are you still interested? I know it’s the job for you, cousin! These good jobs here are very scarce. I really think you should consider applying for this job. I had recommended you to my boss, Mr. Walker and I know from working with you before at Macy’s, how you have great people skills. I also had mentioned to Mr. Walker that you are really reliable and dependable. Working with you at Macy’s, I don’t remember you missing a day at work. This customer service position consists of taking orders on the phone, being courteous to customers, filling orders, then expediting them. This is a real nice office too, and working for Mr. Walker, you’ll be very happy, he’s a very nice man. The atmosphere here at All Natural, is so relaxing and the people here are so friendly and I know you’ll fit in perfectly. The benefits are excellent too, you get medical, dental, and paid vacation. This is a really nice place to work, so what are you waiting for? Get your application today ok! Well, I’ll talk to you later over lunch.
Goodbye,
Cousin Linda
Hi Fran,
I hope this email finds you well. I wanted to talk to you about the customer service job we discussed earlier. Are you still interested? I truly believe that this job is a perfect fit for you, cousin! Good job opportunities like this one are quite hard to come by in our town, so I would strongly encourage you to consider applying for it.
Let me start by telling you that I have already recommended you to my boss, Mr. Walker. I spoke highly of your excellent people skills, which I witnessed firsthand while working with you at Macy's. Additionally, I mentioned to Mr. Walker that you are extremely reliable and dependable. You never missed a day of work during our time at Macy's, which speaks volumes about your commitment and dedication.
The customer service position at All Natural involves tasks such as taking orders over the phone, providing courteous assistance to customers, efficiently processing and fulfilling orders, and ensuring timely delivery. The office environment is truly pleasant, and working under the supervision of Mr. Walker would definitely make you happy. He is a very nice man who knows how to create a friendly atmosphere in the workplace. The team here at All Natural is incredibly welcoming, and I am confident that you will fit right in.
Let me also highlight the excellent benefits package offered by the company. You will have access to comprehensive medical and dental coverage, as well as paid vacation days. All in all, this is a fantastic opportunity to work in a great place. So, why wait any longer? I strongly urge you to submit your application today!
I look forward to catching up with you over lunch soon.
Take care,
Cousin Linda