English (Critique my essay!)
posted by Shiva .
This my reading response paper! Critiquing is most welcome!
P.S Its an informal paper so we don't need an intro or conclusion we just go straight to the point.
“The Creation Cycle”
The Creation Cycle is partially conjoined with the Creation of the Universe and the Gods, which is about a group of powerful Polynesian gods whose behavior explains the physical aspects of the environment while reflecting important characteristics of human nature. The conduct of these gods’ displays how wise and unwise our choices can be. For instance how five of the six children of Father Rangi and Mother Papa try to separate the couple. “First came Rongo…he lacked the necessary strength to separate Father Rangi and Mother Papa. Next came Tangaroa…he could not separate Father Rangi and Mother Papa either.” It continues on until Tane wisely separated Father Rangi and Mother Papa. However, the division of Father Rangi and Mother Papa led to the endless conflict between the gods and on earth.
From the separation of Father Rangi and Mother Papa, Tane molded the first woman and had relations with her and bore a daughter whom Tane had relations with as well and bore children who among them was Makea who is the mother of Maui, who found New Zealand. This connection shows a cycle from the gods and humankind. For instance Maui, who is a demigod, trickster, hero and inventor, used his magic powers to pull in a huge island with occupants. “The line suddenly got caught, and Maui pulled on it… Maui’s “fish” was no creature of the deep. It was a huge island filled with living people who were busily occupied with village life.” This story of Maui circulated among the Polynesian people and brought itself into Polynesian culture therefore showing its great age. Their society consisted of fishing like Maui and his brothers, leisure and oral storytelling.
Religiously, the Polynesians worshipped nature gods who are often depicted as chiefs who live in distant lands and claim to be related to the gods through birth, like Maui, or by adoption. The association with these nature gods displays how the environment plays a big role in Polynesian lifestyle and is part of the Creation Cycle. For the instance the plants, the fishes, the winds, forests, birds and insects are actually part of the Polynesian gods. “Rongo, father and god of the sweet potato and other edible cultivated plants… Tangaroa, father and god of all fish and sea reptiles… Haumia, father and god of the fern root and other edible wild plants… Tu, fierce father and god of war-spirited begins…Tane, father and god of forests, birds and insects.” These gods were the explanation for natural marvels in Polynesian beliefs.
Check for fragments; make them complete sentences.
You have quotations in there without citations. Where did you get the quotations? Each one needs to be cited (that is, tell the source).
Ellipses need a space before and a space after the three dots.
The content is fine.
Hayley,There is something beuatiful in the way you write. The images your words conjure up are very vivid, and I feel like I am the cat. Keep writing and sharing. You are inspiring.Deb