posted by yesudas on .
can you please help me make this paragraph sound a little bit better. thanks!!!im taking about how power from fame and wealth make celebrites think like thir god. this eventually distrys them, or their carrer.
Celebrities are viewed top priority in today’s society, so if they do anything outside Hollywood it becomes immediate news. Celebrities can’t go anywhere an ordinary person can go to without being bombarded with camera flashes and autograph followers. They can’t live life enjoyably, and are depressed. This publicity outrage is also what causes celebrities like Charlie Sheen, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and P Diddy to think that they are unstoppable. Charlie sheen and Arnold Schwarzenegger were a big influence to the American culture. While Charlie sheen in his shows is seen as a womaniser and Arnold Schwarzenegger was viewed as a body building legend. However, they both end up cheating on their wives. As a result, Sheen and Schwarzenegger both lost their popularity. Eventhough P diddy is viwed to be one of the biggest artist in show busness, he is sued for shooting over the paringlot. They all in common use their powers to be self-destructive.
You have a lot of misspelled words, so you need to exercise your spell checker.
Secondly, what makes you think they are depressed?
I remember Lady Godiva (look her up), she got a lot of publicity in her time, and it changed her Husbands terrible taxation of his tenent farmers. So publicity itself does not doom...Godiva lived a productive life thereafter, and there is a mural of her riding her horse in a stained glass window in a famous church in England.
So your statement "this publicity outrage...causes...to think" might be better stated <this publicity feeds the ego development of superegos, which sometimes make them feel invincible.>
Your statement <as a result, Sheen...> I am not certain it was being womanizers, but rather behaving as bad boys after trying to live up to being good guys. Common folks saw hypocrisy, and hypocrisy is always a bloody stain on reputation. P Diddly was stained carrying a gun in the presence of J lopez, whom is viewed as a nice girl. Nice girls don't run with bad boys. So carrying a gun with a nice girl is in fact a self-destructive behavior.
So what I suggest is to polish this up. You seem to be writing a good first draft, but then not setting it aside for the second revision. We can probably do you much good on your third revision, but at this point,your writing is pretty rough.
kk ill try to fix it up thanks!!!