Could someone review this essay for me? It is a rough draft of my persuasive essay.
The Reality of Credit Cards and College Students
Laurie A Johnson
COM 156
Diana Bernste
The Reality of Credit Cards and College Students
Why do companies target a portion of the population that has no job and lacks a substantial credit history? When students go to college, they begin the process of becoming in debt through tuition costs, books, supplies, housing, and other necessities of college living. Should it be allowed to add to this financial strain? Can a student effectively handle this type of responsibility? Today’s college students face many challenges and they include financial responsibilities. When confronted with offers of easy credit from credit card companies, a student will find it difficult to ignore them and will often fall prey to their appealing offers. The temptation is easily understood by anyone who has ever been young and lacking in readily available cash, the responsibilities and effects of such a choice though cannot be fully comprehended by many at such a young age. Accepting these types of offers is a simple process for many, especially students just starting out, and one that might seem like the ideal solution to one who does not have readily available fund for many day-to-day items so many people enjoy. Without proper knowledge and experience, it is very easy for someone to find themself in a very high amount of debt without the ability to pay this back, especially a student whose time is a commodity that they seem to have little extra. Ads for credit cards are appearing at almost every turn. They are on campus bulletin boards and the web, easily accessed by any college student. Even though obtaining a credit card can help teach financial responsibility to some, and even give the impression of a more solid financial footing, a credit card company should not be allowed to market to students on campus.
When many young people first attend college, this is their opportunity to live on their own, away from their parents and many may not realize the amount of responsibility that will come with that. This may include obtaining a credit card. Once this realization comes to pass, it may be too late. They find themselves in a situation of unmanageable credit card debt. The buy-now-pay-later aspect of a credit card is very appealing to a student. This attitude is a common one amongst the young people who are more focused on things they want compared to the items they need. Students can easily obtain a credit card, but most likely will not fully understand the terms that these cards carry, such as fees and associated costs often hidden in the fine print of the contracts. Even though it is possible for banks and students alike to benefit from credit card use, the potential harm far outweighs those benefits.
The skills a student needs to handle a credit card effectively and all its responsibilities are not offered by way of a course on campus, and credit card companies are counting on this. It is well known that while a college student will be required to enroll in courses concerning sex education and substance abuse, education regarding financial responsibility has been pushed to the background, not being made a priority in the learning experience of the average college student (Soller, 2009). Without the proper education concerning appropriate use of credit, a student will quickly find themselves in a situation that can be difficult at best to resolve.
When a young student first entering college is given the opportunity to receive an item for the only cost of filling out a form for a credit card, it seems like an easy way to obtain something for nothing. The reality of this is a much darker scenario. The price is higher than most can comprehend, and one that can last a lifetime. A college age student may believe he or she is ready for the responsibility, though many will not completely understand the possible ramifications of over-use of credit cards, which can include a decline in grades and even early withdrawal from school (Sidoti, 2009). Students whose credit card debt has begun to grow out of hand may work multiple jobs or more hours in an attempt to handle the debt. The student may also try to take out additional loans to pay-off their credit card balances. The increased hours spent working leaves less time to study. Less time to study and stressing over their debt can lead to a drop in the student’s grades. Even worse than lowered grades, credit card debt can even contribute to students failing to graduate. In recent years there has been a dramatic increase in the use of credit cards among college students which has led to concerns that this behavior is putting them at tremendous risk for high debt levels and misuse of credit after graduation (Lyons, 2004). What most students will not realize is that the debt they accumulate today can and will follow them into the coming years. This can lead to long-term financial problems. These problems can include unmanageable debt, bad credit, loan denials, bankruptcy, and even rejections by jobs, rental opportunities and professional schools because of the student’s bad credit (Ninfo II, 2010). The best way to avoid this type of situation is not to allow the credit card companies to market their products to students on campuses, requiring that they wait until such a time as graduation and full-time employment has been achieved by someone, thus allowing them the opportunity to have built the skills needed to effectively handle the responsibility that comes with credit card use.
New legislation signed into law on May 22, 2009, was a positive first step in helping prevent the predatory lending practices of many credit card companies, but it does not address them all. Students will still need to be taught the lessons of financial responsibility. With this law in effect, a student will only be allowed a credit limit of 20% of the income level (Silver-Greenberg, 2009), but is that enough to ensure a sound financial future for students? There is still no law to protect a student from being offered and accepting several credit cards, which will result in a debt that will be difficult to repay.
Understanding these hazards requires one to realize that credit card companies should not be allowed to entice a student into what will become a larger financial obligation and possible academic ruin by marketing on college campuses. The future of this younger generation and their financial well-being is at stake and must be protected, which can be accomplished only with proper education and eliminating the possibility for credit card companies to market to these students.
References
These are included in the original but I cannot put them on here.
Please indicate separate paragraphs by double-tapping the Enter key at the end of each paragraph. As it is, I cannot read this very well.
Thanks.
I think I got them all....thanks for looking it over!
The Reality of Credit Cards and College Students
Why do companies target a portion of the population that has no job and lacks a substantial credit history? When students go to college, they begin the process of becoming in debt through tuition costs, books, supplies, housing, and other necessities of college living. Should it be allowed to add to this financial strain? Can a student effectively handle this type of responsibility? Today’s college students face many challenges and they include financial responsibilities. When confronted with offers of easy credit from credit card companies, a student will find it difficult to ignore them and will often fall prey to their appealing offers. The temptation is easily understood by anyone who has ever been young and lacking in readily available cash, the responsibilities and effects of such a choice though cannot be fully comprehended by many at such a young age. Accepting these types of offers is a simple process for many, especially students just starting out, and one that might seem like the ideal solution to one who does not have readily available fund for many day-to-day items so many people enjoy. Without proper knowledge and experience, it is very easy for someone to find themself in a very high amount of debt without the ability to pay this back, especially a student whose time is a commodity that they seem to have little extra. Ads for credit cards are appearing at almost every turn. They are on campus bulletin boards and the web, easily accessed by any college student. Even though obtaining a credit card can help teach financial responsibility to some, and even give the impression of a more solid financial footing, a credit card company should not be allowed to market to students on campus.
When many young people first attend college, this is their opportunity to live on their own, away from their parents and many may not realize the amount of responsibility that will come with that. This may include obtaining a credit card. Once this realization comes to pass, it may be too late. They find themselves in a situation of unmanageable credit card debt. The buy-now-pay-later aspect of a credit card is very appealing to a student. This attitude is a common one amongst the young people who are more focused on things they want compared to the items they need. Students can easily obtain a credit card, but most likely will not fully understand the terms that these cards carry, such as fees and associated costs often hidden in the fine print of the contracts. Even though it is possible for banks and students alike to benefit from credit card use, the potential harm far outweighs those benefits.
The skills a student needs to handle a credit card effectively and all its responsibilities are not offered by way of a course on campus, and credit card companies are counting on this. It is well known that while a college student will be required to enroll in courses concerning sex education and substance abuse, education regarding financial responsibility has been pushed to the background, not being made a priority in the learning experience of the average college student (Soller, 2009). Without the proper education concerning appropriate use of credit, a student will quickly find themselves in a situation that can be difficult at best to resolve.
When a young student first entering college is given the opportunity to receive an item for the only cost of filling out a form for a credit card, it seems like an easy way to obtain something for nothing. The reality of this is a much darker scenario. The price is higher than most can comprehend, and one that can last a lifetime. A college age student may believe he or she is ready for the responsibility, though many will not completely understand the possible ramifications of over-use of credit cards, which can include a decline in grades and even early withdrawal from school (Sidoti, 2009). Students whose credit card debt has begun to grow out of hand may work multiple jobs or more hours in an attempt to handle the debt. The student may also try to take out additional loans to pay-off their credit card balances. The increased hours spent working leaves less time to study. Less time to study and stressing over their debt can lead to a drop in the student’s grades. Even worse than lowered grades, credit card debt can even contribute to students failing to graduate. In recent years there has been a dramatic increase in the use of credit cards among college students which has led to concerns that this behavior is putting them at tremendous risk for high debt levels and misuse of credit after graduation (Lyons, 2004). What most students will not realize is that the debt they accumulate today can and will follow them into the coming years. This can lead to long-term financial problems. These problems can include unmanageable debt, bad credit, loan denials, bankruptcy, and even rejections by jobs, rental opportunities and professional schools because of the student’s bad credit (Ninfo II, 2010). The best way to avoid this type of situation is not to allow the credit card companies to market their products to students on campuses, requiring that they wait until such a time as graduation and full-time employment has been achieved by someone, thus allowing them the opportunity to have built the skills needed to effectively handle the responsibility that comes with credit card use.
New legislation signed into law on May 22, 2009, was a positive first step in helping prevent the predatory lending practices of many credit card companies, but it does not address them all. Students will still need to be taught the lessons of financial responsibility. With this law in effect, a student will only be allowed a credit limit of 20% of the income level (Silver-Greenberg, 2009), but is that enough to ensure a sound financial future for students? There is still no law to protect a student from being offered and accepting several credit cards, which will result in a debt that will be difficult to repay.
Understanding these hazards requires one to realize that credit card companies should not be allowed to entice a student into what will become a larger financial obligation and possible academic ruin by marketing on college campuses. The future of this younger generation and their financial well-being is at stake and must be protected, which can be accomplished only with proper education and eliminating the possibility for credit card companies to market to these students.
First of all (while I'm reading the rest), please decide where the intro ends and the real second paragraph begins. Your first paragraph, as posted above, is the intro + first supporting paragraph.
...
Either that or get rid of the repetition/redundancy in that first paragraph:
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/concise.htm
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/concise.htm#redundancy
http://public.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/amongst.html
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/paragraphs.htm
The entire paper has many, many general statements and far too few specific details (examples) to make sure the readers know exactly what you mean. Here's one example:
Without the proper education concerning appropriate use of credit, a student will quickly find themselves in a situation that can be difficult at best to resolve.
So ... I'm waiting for you to include precisely what should be included in that "proper education..." and a specific example (or two) of what a hard-to-resolve situation is.
More details. More specifics. Far fewer generalities.
Don't throw out what you have, but go through and cut out all the statements that have already been included, even if in different wording. Once you have pared down the wordiness and repetition, then you need to go through and include SPECIFIC EXAMPLES/DETAILS to explain those generalities that you decide to keep in the paper.
Would this be more appropriate as a first paragraph?
Why do companies target a portion of the population that has no job and lacks a substantial credit history? When students go to college, they begin the process of becoming in debt through tuition costs, books, supplies, housing, and other necessities of college living. Should it be allowed to add to this financial strain? Can a student effectively handle this type of responsibility? Today’s college students face many challenges and they include financial responsibilities. When confronted with offers of easy credit from credit card companies, a student will find it difficult to ignore them and will often fall prey to their appealing offers. The temptation is easily understood by anyone who has ever been young and lacking in readily available cash, the responsibilities and effects of such a choice though cannot be fully comprehended by many at such a young age. Accepting these types of offers is a simple process for many, especially students just starting out, and one that might seem like the ideal solution to one who does not have readily available fund for many day-to-day items so many people enjoy.
then this as the next paragraph:
Without proper knowledge and experience, it is very easy for someone to find themself in a very high amount of debt without the ability to pay this back, especially a student whose time is a commodity that they seem to have little extra. Ads for credit cards are appearing at almost every turn. They are on campus bulletin boards and the web, easily accessed by any college student. Even though obtaining a credit card can help teach financial responsibility to some, and even give the impression of a more solid financial footing, a credit card company should not be allowed to market to students on campus.
Better -- but go through and cut out the repetition and too-general stuff.
Also -- is this your thesis statement?
Even though obtaining a credit card can help teach financial responsibility to some, and even give the impression of a more solid financial footing, a credit card company should not be allowed to market to students on campus.
If it is, it needs to go at the end of the intro paragraph. Once you move it, you'll need to do some massive rephrasing to make those two paragraphs work well.
I got it....thank you for all the help! This is my first try at this and really appreciate all the help. You have given me some wonder advice. I will keep you posted as I progress.
Very good!!
And you're welcome!
As an AI, I can provide you with some tips on how to review your essay effectively. Here's what you can do:
1. Read the essay with a critical eye: Go through each paragraph and sentence to make sure they are clear and concise. Look out for any grammatical errors, sentence structure issues, or unclear ideas.
2. Check the organization and flow: Make sure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs that support your main arguments, and a conclusion that ties everything together. Check if the ideas flow smoothly from one paragraph to another.
3. Evaluate the strength of your arguments: Consider whether your arguments are compelling and well-supported. Review the evidence and examples you provided, and assess if they effectively persuade your readers.
4. Pay attention to clarity and coherence: Ensure that your ideas are presented in a logical order, and that your sentences and paragraphs are coherent. Look for any parts that may be confusing or need further explanation.
5. Consider the overall structure: Review the structure of each section and assess if they are well-developed. Check if each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and sufficient supporting details.
6. Proofread for grammar, spelling, and punctuation: Look for any errors in grammar, spelling, or punctuation and correct them. You can use spelling and grammar checkers or read the essay aloud to identify any issues.
7. Seek feedback from others: Ask someone you trust, such as a friend or teacher, to review your essay and provide feedback. They may spot errors or suggest improvements that you may have missed.
Remember, your rough draft is an opportunity to identify areas for improvement and make revisions. By following these steps, you can review your essay effectively and enhance its persuasiveness.