This is the first paragraph of my essay, how does it look?

Imagine being 6’3” in the eighth grade and everyone in the school making comments about your height. There are definitely advantages and disadvantages to being tall. My best friend’s mother sent me a quote written by Bill Walton that read: Hey, this is me; I’m this way and I’m going to make the best of my life and I’m not going to let other people’s hang-ups about me restrict my life.” It was at this time that I began to rethink why I had such a lack of confidence about my size. The social awkwardness that I was so self conscious of in elementary school made me very insecure with being taller than my peers, but eventually in high school the basketball scholarships offers that led to the free education were advantages of learning to cope with my height.

In front of Hey should be the opening quote = "Hey...

A comma after elementary school, would give someone pause for a breath (and/or emphasis)

basketball scholarship offers = sounds better with less sibilant (s) sounds?

advantages of OR in?

Nicely done---just a few mechanics.

Sra

self-conscious should be hyphenated.

The first paragraph of your essay looks well-written and engages the reader with a personal story. It effectively introduces the topic of being tall and the advantages and disadvantages associated with it. Additionally, the quote from Bill Walton adds depth to your essay by showing how you started to question your lack of confidence and embrace your height. Overall, the paragraph sets a good foundation for the rest of your essay.

To further improve your writing, here are some suggestions:

1. Clarify the flow of ideas: Consider rearranging sentences to create a smoother transition between different thoughts. For example, you could mention your height-related insecurities and then introduce the basketball scholarship offers as a way to cope, rather than separating them into two separate sentences.

2. Expand on your personal experiences: While you briefly mention feeling socially awkward and insecure in elementary school, you could elaborate on specific situations or incidents that made you feel this way. This will help readers better understand the depth of your experience and connect with your story on a more personal level.

3. Provide more context: It might be helpful to include some context or background information about how being tall affected your interactions with others, both positively and negatively. This will give readers a better understanding of the challenges you faced and the impact they had on you.

Remember to proofread your essay for grammar and spelling errors.