posted by lizzie on .
This is the first paragraph of my essay, how does it look?
Imagine being 6’3” in the eighth grade and everyone in the school making comments about your height. There are definitely advantages and disadvantages to being tall. My best friend’s mother sent me a quote written by Bill Walton that read: Hey, this is me; I’m this way and I’m going to make the best of my life and I’m not going to let other people’s hang-ups about me restrict my life.” It was at this time that I began to rethink why I had such a lack of confidence about my size. The social awkwardness that I was so self conscious of in elementary school made me very insecure with being taller than my peers, but eventually in high school the basketball scholarships offers that led to the free education were advantages of learning to cope with my height.
In front of Hey should be the opening quote = "Hey...
A comma after elementary school, would give someone pause for a breath (and/or emphasis)
basketball scholarship offers = sounds better with less sibilant (s) sounds?
advantages of OR in?
Nicely done---just a few mechanics.
self-conscious should be hyphenated.