For homework, I have to use those two lessons that Julie learned in the novel Julie of the Wolves to make an essay. Here is the essay. Would you please give feedback?
The story Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George is about a girl named Julie, who is called Miyax in Eskimo villages. For the most part of the story, Julie is lost in the Alaskan tundra in the winter looking for her father, Kapugen, a skilled hunter. While doing that, Julie learns several lessons crucial to survival: learning to communicate with wolves and knowing that the "hour of the Eskimo and wolf is over", which means traditional Eskimo life has changed to modern ways.
First of all, Julie learned to communicate with a nearby wolf pack while she was looking for food in the wilderness of Alaska. While lying face down on a bank of snow, she carefully observed the wolves' motions and behavior. After days of watching, Julie learned to tell a pup to lie down, how to ask for food from the adult wolves, and to hail the leader of the pack, Amaroq. At one point, the wolf pack killed a caribou right in front of her shelter, and they shared the meat with Julie. By learning the wolf language, Julie could survive with support from the wolves. Without this valuable knowledge, Julie wouldn't have been able to survive in the tundra for a long time. She would only last for a few weeks.
In addition, Julie learned that traditional Eskimo life has changed to modern life. Julie learned this lesson when she visited her father Kapugen and his new family in the town of Kangik. She realizes if she continues to live her traditional ways, she may be able to survive, but she will be lonely. Therefore, at the end of the story, Julie pointed her boots toward Kapugen once again. Julie also figured out that she could still do good living the modern life. She realizes that if she lives this new life, she may be able to be rich and to prosper in a town like Kangik, just as what Kapugen did. She would be able to support a town with lots of food and money.
As you can see, the lessons Julie learns throughout the story Julie of the Wolves are crucial to her survival. If she didn't learn any of those lessons, she wouldn't be able to survive in the tundra and in the modern Eskimo community.
Content and development are really good. Congrats!
You need to go through and double-check for the following:
word choice (such as the correct preposition in a phrase, using an adverb instead of an adjective to modify a verb, etc.)
parallel structure in a series
consistent verb tenses (don't switch back and forth from present to past, etc.)
For word choice, what words do I have to change?
Two examples of word choice problems:
"For the most part of the story," ~~> should be just For most of the story...
"face down on a bank of snow" ~~> you need in not "on"
Here is the revision:
For homework, I have to use those two lessons that Julie learned in the novel Julie of the Wolves to make an essay. Here is the essay. Would you please give feedback?
The story Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George is about a girl named Julie, who is called Miyax in Eskimo villages. For most of the story, Julie is lost in the Alaskan tundra in the winter looking for her father, Kapugen, a skilled hunter. While doing that, Julie learns several lessons crucial to survival: learning to communicate with wolves and knowing that the "hour of the Eskimo and wolf is over", which means traditional Eskimo life has changed to modern ways.
First of all, Julie learned to communicate with a nearby wolf pack while she was looking for food in the wilderness of Alaska. While lying face down in a bank of snow, she carefully observed the wolves' motions and behavior. After days of watching, Julie learned how to tell a pup to lie down, how to ask for food from the adult wolves, and how to hail the leader of the pack, Amaroq. At one point, the wolf pack killed a caribou right in front of her shelter, and they shared the meat with Julie. By learning the wolf language, Julie could survive with support from the wolves. Without this valuable knowledge, Julie wouldn't have been able to survive in the tundra for a long time. She would only last for a few weeks.
In addition, Julie learned that traditional Eskimo life has changed to modern life. Julie learned this lesson when she visited her father Kapugen and his new family in the town of Kangik. She realizes if she continues to live her traditional ways, she may be able to survive, but she will be lonely. Therefore, at the end of the story, Julie pointed her boots toward Kapugen once again. Julie also figured out that she could still do good living the modern life. She realizes that if she lives this new life, she may be able to be rich and to prosper in a town like Kangik, just as what Kapugen did. She would be able to support a town with lots of food and money.
As you can see, the lessons Julie learns throughout the story Julie of the Wolves are crucial to her survival. If she didn't learn any of those lessons, she wouldn't be able to survive in the tundra and in the modern Eskimo community.
Wait, don't read that one. That still has some mistakes. Please wait for the real one...
Here is the real revision:
The story Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George is about a girl named Julie, who is called Miyax in Eskimo villages. For most of the story, Julie was lost in the Alaskan tundra in the winter looking for her father, Kapugen, a skilled hunter. While doing that, Julie learned several lessons crucial to survival: learning to communicate with wolves and knowing that the "hour of the Eskimo and wolf is over", which means traditional Eskimo life has changed to modern ways.
First of all, Julie learned to communicate with a nearby wolf pack while she was looking for food in the wilderness of Alaska. While lying face down in a bank of snow, she carefully observed the wolves' motions and behavior. After days of watching, Julie learned how to tell a pup to lie down, how to ask for food from the adult wolves, and how to hail the leader of the pack, Amaroq. At one point, the wolf pack killed a caribou right in front of her shelter, and they shared the meat with Julie. By learning the wolf language, Julie could survive with support from the wolves. Without this valuable knowledge, Julie wouldn't have been able to survive in the tundra for a long time. She would only last for a few weeks.
In addition, Julie learned that traditional Eskimo life has changed to modern life. Julie learned this lesson when she visited her father Kapugen and his new family in the town of Kangik. She realized if she continues to live her traditional ways, she may be able to survive, but she will be lonely. Therefore, at the end of the story, Julie pointed her boots toward Kapugen once again. Julie also figured out that she could still do good living the modern life. She realized that if she lives this new life, she may be able to be rich and to prosper in a town like Kangik, just as what Kapugen did. She would be able to support a town with lots of food and money.
As you can see, the lessons Julie learned throughout the story Julie of the Wolves are crucial to her survival. If she didn't learn any of those lessons, she wouldn't be able to survive in the tundra and in the modern Eskimo community.
After days of watching, Julie learned how to tell a pup to lie down, how to ask for food from the adult wolves, and how to hail the leader of the pack, Amaroq.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/parallelism.htm
She would only last ...
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/verbs.htm#tense
In addition, Julie learned that traditional Eskimo life has changed to modern life. Julie learned this lesson when she visited her father Kapugen and his new family in the town of Kangik. She realizes if she continues to live her traditional ways, she may be able to survive, but she will be lonely.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/verbs.htm#tense
also figured out that she could still do good living the modern life. She realizes that if she lives this new life,
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/verbs.htm#tense
figured out that she could still do good = ???
Get rid of "you" -- 2nd person has no place in an essay like this.
If she didn't learn any of those lessons, she wouldn't be able
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/verbs.htm#sequence
OK, you got most of the verb tense issues fixed. The last one I listed above, though, still needs fixing.
The story Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George is about a girl named Julie, who is called Miyax in Eskimo villages. For most of the story, Julie was lost in the Alaskan tundra in the winter looking for her father, Kapugen, a skilled hunter. While doing that, Julie learned several lessons crucial to survival: learning to communicate with wolves and knowing that the "hour of the Eskimo and wolf is over", which means traditional Eskimo life has changed to modern ways.
First of all, Julie learned to communicate with a nearby wolf pack while she was looking for food in the wilderness of Alaska. While lying face down in a bank of snow, she carefully observed the wolves' motions and behavior. After days of watching, Julie learned how to tell a pup to lie down, to ask for food from the adult wolves, and to hail the leader of the pack, Amaroq. At one point, the wolf pack killed a caribou right in front of her shelter, and they shared the meat with Julie. By learning the wolf language, Julie could survive with support from the wolves. Without this valuable knowledge, Julie wouldn't have been able to survive in the tundra for a long time. She would only last for a few weeks.
In addition, Julie learned that traditional Eskimo life has changed to modern life. Julie learned this lesson when she visited her father Kapugen and his new family in the town of Kangik. She realized if she continues to live her traditional ways, she may be able to survive, but she will be lonely. Therefore, at the end of the story, Julie pointed her boots toward Kapugen once again. Julie also figured out that she could still do good living the modern life. She realized that if she lives this new life, she may be able to be rich and to prosper in a town like Kangik, just as what Kapugen did. She would be able to support a town with lots of food and money.
In conclusion, the lessons Julie learned throughout the story Julie of the Wolves are crucial to her survival. If she didn't learn any of those lessons, she wouldn't be able to survive in the tundra and in the modern Eskimo community.
over",
Put comma before the closing quotation marks.
she could still do good living
"good" is an adjective and needs to describe/modify a NOUN, not a verb. What word is the adverb form of "good"?
She realized if she continues to live her traditional ways, she may be able to survive, but she will be lonely.
sequence of tenses
She realized that if she lives this new life, she may be able to be rich and to prosper in a town like Kangik, just as what Kapugen did.
Delete "what" and fix sequence of tenses.
If she didn't learn any of those lessons, she wouldn't be able
Sequence of tenses -- If she hadn't learned ... she wouldn't...
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/sequence.htm
Check out the chart.
Nice job fixing the parallel construction issues.