posted by failgrammar on .
Whats wrong with my essay i got F on this? Critique please
According to the article, “women have a higher quality when it comes to relationship than men”. Having friends is important because they know our assets and our flaws. In a relationship, Men tend to be quiet and less emotional, while women are good listeners and vocal to what they feel. For many reasons, women are better at handling relationships than men.
First of all, “Women have a deeper relationship than men”, were according to article. Women have face-to-face friendships. Women are vocal when sharing their problems to their friends. In result. They develop deeper relationships with each other. While men base their friendship on activities, they can talk about basketball or cars the whole day, but their conversation has limits. Men can’t talk about their problems to each other because that’s the nature of men. According to t5he article “In surveys, men routinely list their spouses as their best friends”, men relies on women to fulfill their emotional needs.
Also, when it comes to friendship relationships women are more listeners than men. Men are rational; they don’t have time to listen to other people’s problems because they only want to listen to something that will make them feel better. While girls are open minded, they listen to every detail that the other person is saying whether it is a problem or not, and they always give feedbacks.
Finally, Women are reliable. According to the article, “Men feel their greater support from women”, Women are natural cheerers, and they know how they can support a friend. A mother is a perfect example of how reliable a woman can be, She bases her decisions emotionally and always thinks about her family before her. Women are reliable that they can help their friends in a heart beat.
To sum up my discussion, Women have a higher quality than men when it comes to handling friendships. Both men and Women feel closer to females who give support. No one in this world can live without a friend on their side whether it is a man or a woman. Friends are important to everyone’s life and can learn from each other. Everyone needs a friend to be able to enjoy life.
I think one reason is that there are a lot of grammatical errors.
so that's one ok
First of all, shame on the teacher who didn't tell you why. How do you expect to get better if no one tells you where you went wrong?!! I'll check the mechanics (or grammar) for you.
You simply say "the article" and the reader has no idea what article that is. I assume what you have in quotes is the title of the article, but look again at what should be capitalized.
Why have you capitalized Men and Women in some places? "and vocalize what they feel." (note I changed the wording a bit.)
Drop were "according to the article." You could take 2 simple sentences and combine them into a complex sentence, as in this example: Women have face-to-face friendships and are vocal when sharing their problems to ("with" rather than "to") their friends. As a result (those 2 words are NOT a sentence), they develop......(etc.)
Always proofread to catch anything like this error: "t5he " = the...men rely (plural subject = plural verb)
Depending upon where you are (American vs British/Australian English) the comma might go inside the quote.
...friendship relationships, women are better.....feedback (singular noun, not plural)
There is that capital W again for "women"....from women." or from women". depending upon where you are. (American English vs. British English punctuation) That is a sentence unless you use a semi-colon, for example and then women would be lower case (not capital)
before herself. (talking about mothers)
...are realiable in that they can...
No one (is singular) so not "their" but "his/her" ...improtant to everyone's life and they can learn from each other.
I find no fault with what you have to say, but spelling, punctuation, connectors need work. Perhaps English is not your native language. However, I don't know anything about the level of English you are studying.
When I give a student (or students) a prompt (something to write on), they also know the rubric I will use to score the papers. In my opinion, students have a right to know the basis of the grade(s) they receive. If you suggest that nicely to your teacher, that might happen for your next essay. Don't be afraid to ask for extra help before or after class, especially WHY you received an F so you can do better the next time.
According to the article, “women have a higher quality when it comes to relationship than men”.
What is the name of this article? If it's what you enclosed in quotes, then the key words should be capitalized. It also makes this an incomplete sentence. If not, then why use the quotes? Relationships should be plural.
First of all, “Women have a deeper relationship than men”, were according to article.
What do you mean by were?
Women are vocal when sharing their problems to their friends.
According to t5he article “In surveys, men routinely list their spouses as their best friends”, men relies on women to fulfill their emotional needs.
needs a comma
comma is misplaced
subject and verb don't agree (men relies)
How can you expect someone else to read this when you didn't even bother to proofread it?