I am working on an assignment that requires we write out our thesis statement and then write paragraphs that support this. Can I get your feedback on what I have so far?
Thesis Statement:
Even though having a credit card can help teach financial responsibility with some, overall a credit card company should not be allowed to market to students on campus.
Beginning of first paragraph(rough draft):
A college age student is not mature enough to make long term financial decisions. One common misconception among students is that the use now pay later method is an easy way to obtain the the things they want versus what is actually needed (insert citation of support here). In recent years there has been a dramatic increase in credit card usage among college students which has led to concerns that this behavior is putting them at great risk for high debt levels and misuse of credit after graduation (Angela. C Lyons 2004). Student can easily obtain a credit card but most will not fully understand the terms that these cards carry, such as fees and associated costs that are often hidden in the fine print of the contracts (insert here citation supporting this fact). What most students will not realize is that the debt they accumulate today can and will follow them into the coming years, which can lead to long term financial problems.
college-age student
long-term financial
(twice)
Good start. I remember my newphew got a free credit card in college, unbeknownst to his parents, and when he incurred a large debt that he could not pay. When his mother was contacted, she said he should not have been given the credit card in the first place, that he was legally an adult, and she did not intend to pay his debt!
Sra
Where are the supporting paragraphs??
This is where I am having trouble apparently, determining if what I have written can be considered a supporting paragraph. I thought what I had was the beginning of such, but I assume from the question that it wouldn't. I will continue to work on this and resubmit for additional feedback. Thank you!
Your thesis statement explores the argument that credit card companies should not be allowed to market to students on campus. The beginning of your first paragraph provides some supporting points for this thesis statement. Here's my feedback on what you have so far:
- The opening statement that a college-age student is not mature enough to make long-term financial decisions is a strong point. However, you could consider providing a bit more context or explanation to support this claim.
- The citation of support you mentioned inserting would be crucial to back up your argument. Make sure to include a proper citation for the source you are referencing. This will strengthen your point and add credibility to your argument.
- The mention of the dramatic increase in credit card usage among college students is a valid point to include and supports your thesis statement. The reference to concerns about high debt levels and misuse of credit after graduation further reinforces your argument. Ensure that you provide a specific citation for the Angela C. Lyons source you referenced.
- The mention of students not fully understanding the terms and associated costs of credit cards is an important supporting point. Including a citation to support this claim will provide further evidence for your argument.
- Finally, the statement about debt accumulation and its potential long-term financial consequences is an effective way to conclude your paragraph. It highlights one of the main concerns related to credit card use among students.
Overall, your paragraph has a solid start. Just make sure to provide the required citations to support the claims you make. Remember to continue developing your supporting points in subsequent paragraphs to strengthen your overall argument.