Posted by shay on Sunday, June 5, 2011 at 1:10am.
Can you proof read my paper?
Hated by Me but Loved by Others
I was recently asked to write about things I hate that other people seem to love. This question was prompted by a Facebook quiz. As I thought a couple of things came to my mind instantaneously; texting and drinking beer. Please don’t be insulted if these are two things that you love, but I have my reasons why I despise them.
My first most hating thing is texting. Today many people rely on texting. This is the worst form of communication known to man. In all due honesty, I detest texting for two reasons.
Texting takes to long; trying to find the correct letter I just HATE it! Don’t get me started on the spelling of some of the words people send in a text message. I can barely read or let alone understand what people are trying to tell me. Just call me and we can have a decent conversation.
Texting can be and is rude, especially when you are trying to have a conversation with someone and they’re texting someone else at the same time? Please put your phone down for crying out loud, pay attention to me. When I’m talking to you I expect your full attention. I know that is selfish, but that is how I feel. In my opinion, texting should be limited to emergency only when people are in places or situation where they can not talk. Texting should not be used for any other reason.
My second most hated thing is drinking beer. Beer is the most hated beverage I can think of. I hate how it smells, how it looks, and how it tastes. Yuck! Most people say that beer is an acquired taste. It has to be because it’s awful. Let me take you down memory land so you can see why I hate beer. I can remember two occasions when I thought it was cool to drink beer.
The first occasion happened when I was probably 10 years old, my grandmother owned a café and there was a lot of beer drinking in this place. Everybody had a beer including my mother. I can remember asking my mother if I could have a beer and she kept telling me,” No.” So during one hot summer day, we were at my grandmother’s café and again everybody was dancing, drinking, and having a good time. I asked my mother for a beer. She told me, “No,” but on that particular day her boyfriend was sitting at the table with us and he told my mother to go ahead and give me one. He said, “She’s not going to drink it anyway.” I had a surprise for him. I put down the entire can of Miller Lite beer. I thought I did something until. My head started spinning, my stomach started feeling woozy, and I couldn’t keep my balance when I tried to walk. I guess you could say I was drunk.
The second time occurred when I was about 18 years old. I was visiting my brother in Biloxi, Mississippi during summer vacation. He took me to a Frankie Beverly and Maze concert on the Air Force base. I can remember like it was yesterday. The sun was beaming down on me like a piece of bread in a toaster oven. I was so thirsty and the only beverage being sold in the area we were in was; you guessed it beer. So I had no other way of quenching my thirst but to drink the beer. Let me remind you again it was a hot summer day. I started feeling the same way I felt when I was in my grandmother’s café. You guessed it, but this time I regurgitated everything I ate that day plus what I ate yesterday. That was the worst day ever because I missed the rest of the concert. Do you see why I hate beer? Every time beer was ingested in body the experiences were not good.
Of all the things I could hate that some people love, texting and drinking beer are the two that I can relate to. I have had some bad experiences with both of them. If the shoe was on the other foot, I am sure there are some things you hate that I love.
Writing - SraJMcGin, Sunday, June 5, 2011 at 8:01am
It's clearer and easier to read with a comma after "As I thought," otherwise it seems you thought "a couple of things."
"Most hating thing" = "Most hated thing" because the thing is not hating but it is hated. (adjective)
"Texting takes TOO long" = the adverb too rather than "to."
"crying out loud, pay attention" = not a comma but a semicolon to avoid a run-on sentence
"places or situation" = either "a situation" or "situations"
"down memory land" = down memory lane
"10 years old, my grandmother" = another run-on sentence which can easily be corrected by 1) substituting the comma with a semicolon or 2) use "and" to link the 2 phrases
"beer including " = beer. including (good place for a comma)
"something until. My head" = the first part is not a complete sentence. "until my head..."
"we were in was; you guessed it beer." = not a semicolon but perhaps a good place for a dash -- (en dash or em dash = ---) you guessed it, beer Actually there are several things you could do here. For example (you guessed it) might be used parenthetically.
"ate that day plus what" = that day, plus A comma can be like a "pause" for emphasis or time to take a breath, etc.
"was ingested in body" = perhaps "in my body?"
"If the shoe was on" = I still prefer the Subjunctive = "If the shoe WERE..."
I could certainly emphathize with your feelings and your experiences! This was fun to read!
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