Homework Help: english

Posted by Icelocsgirl on Saturday, May 21, 2011 at 2:33pm.

Can someone please check my work? Looking for opinions and grammatical errors. Thankyou. The following are my instructions on the assignment.....

· Resource: Appendix G
· Read two of the five paragraphs provided in Appendix G.
· Write a brief paragraph of about 150 words in which you do the following:

o Identify which paragraph was more effective and analyze why this was so.
o Include a discussion of sentence variety and the rhythm of the author’s writing.
o Focus on the writing rather than the opinions presented.
o Underline your topic sentence.

· Submit your paragraph to WritePoint in the Center for Writing Excellence.
· Review the feedback provided by the Center for Writing Excellence and make corrections to your paragraph.

o When doing so, understand that WritePoint may be helpful but is not always correct. Make only the corrections you feel are appropriate.

· Write a second paragraph, also of about 150 words, in which you describe the feedback you received from WritePoint, providing specific examples of helpful suggestions, as well as ones you felt may have been incorrect and why you think that is the case.

o Underline your topic sentence.

· Write a third and final paragraph in which describe your strategy for using WritePoint in the future.

o Include a discussion of how to accommodate submission and feedback time.
o Underline your topic sentence.

I recently read two paragraphs concerning individuals credit. The first paragraph seemed to be more effective, and gave me a better understanding in the facts about credit denial. The second paragraph was very confusing, and had no organization nor understanding in its facts. Of paragraph one, the author suggest that individuals who receives a credit denial letter should examine the reasons, and make any necessary corrections. The author gave well written points about how or why an individuals credit may be denied. The author constructed variety in his or her sentences. However, the paragraph had grammatical errors such as comma use as well as repeated use of the word individuals. The second paragraph began slightly understandable, but none of the information followed the topic sentence. It began with a consumers understanding to a good credit score being vital to one’s financial security. It led on to calculations, percentages, and inquires with no descriptive flow. The first paragraph was definitely more effective in its facts and understandings.

I received a very well evaluation feedback from WritePoint on my final paper. The system suggested that I not use a comma on sentence two if it were not a complete cause or element. To be honest I had no Idea what WritePoint was referring to, so I looked into it. The sentence consisted of two independent clauses, and a coordinating conjunction “and” was used to separate the two. So I believe it is only proper to leave the comma. I was suggested to avoid using first person unless writing about personal experience. I think it was only appropriate to ignore the suggestion because of my instructions from my instructor on the particular assignment. I was also suggested to avoid referring to myself in the third person. I was referring to the author of a particular topic, so it did not apply to me. In some or most ways the WritePoint is very helpful in showing students the right way to academically write. I took a few examples into consideration to fix the mistakes. I believe that the system it self made a mistake or two in trying to correct my paper that or the system was confused.

I will definitely use the WritePoint for its feedback before any submission of assignments. I have used the WritePoint in the past on particular assignments but not every assignment as I should. Since the system is located in The Center for Writing Excellence, I can just simply log into my student web sight to upload as many assignments as I need to. The feedback from the system is guaranteed to give a positive evaluation on basic grammar, suggesting ways to make corrections so one’s writing is academically correct. The feedback corrections are inserted using a blue text surrounded by brackets, so there is no mistaking between the comments and the original writing. The process usually takes at least 30 minutes when submitting an assignment, but it could take two or more hours. The system is available 24 hours, seven days a week, so it is available to a students needs anytime.

English - Writeacher, Saturday, May 21, 2011 at 3:43pm
I recently read two paragraphs concerning individuals<~~?? credit. The first paragraph seemed to be more effective,<~~?? and gave me a better understanding in<~~?? the facts about credit denial. The second paragraph was very confusing,<~~?? and had no organization nor understanding<~~?? in its facts. Of paragraph one, the author suggest<~~?? that individuals<~~?? who receives a credit denial letter should examine the reasons,<~~?? and make any necessary corrections. The author gave well written points about how or why an individuals<~~?? credit may be denied. The author constructed variety in his or her sentences. However, the paragraph had grammatical errors such as comma use as well as repeated use of the word individuals. The second paragraph began slightly understandable<~~??, but none of the information followed the topic sentence. It began with a consumers<~~?? understanding to a good credit score being vital to one's financial security. It led on<~~?? to calculations, percentages, and inquires with no descriptive flow. The first paragraph was definitely more effective in its facts and understandings<~~??.

I received a very well<~~?? evaluation feedback from WritePoint on my final paper. The system suggested that I not use a comma on sentence two if it were not a complete cause or element. To be honest I had no Idea what WritePoint was referring to, so I looked into it. The sentence consisted of two independent clauses, and a coordinating conjunction "and" was used to separate the two. So I believe it is only proper to leave the comma. I was suggested<~~?? to avoid using first person unless writing about personal experience. I think it was only appropriate to ignore the suggestion because of my instructions from my instructor on the particular assignment. I was also suggested<~~?? to avoid referring to myself in the third person. I was referring to the author of a particular topic, so it did not apply to me. In some or most ways the<~~?? WritePoint is very helpful in showing students the right way to academically write<~~??. I took a few examples into consideration to fix the mistakes. I believe that the system it self<~~?? made a mistake or two in trying to correct my paper that<~~?? or the system was confused.

I will definitely use the<~~?? WritePoint for its feedback before any submission of assignments. I have used the<~~?? WritePoint in the past on particular assignments but not every assignment as I should. Since the system is located in The Center for Writing Excellence, I can just simply log into my student web sight<~~?? to upload as many assignments as I need to. The feedback from the system is guaranteed to give a positive evaluation on basic grammar, suggesting ways to make corrections so one's writing is academically correct. The feedback corrections are inserted using a blue text surrounded by brackets, so there is no mistaking<~~?? between the comments and the original writing. The process usually takes at least 30 minutes when submitting an assignment, but it could take two or more hours. The system is available 24 hours, seven days a week, so it is available to a students<~~?? needs<~~?? anytime.

I've put question marks wherever something needs to be corrected. The errors range from minor (remove an unneeded comma) to major (wrong word chosen).

After you've gone through it all, please let me know if there's anything you don't understand.
english - Icelocsgirl, Saturday, May 21, 2011 at 6:45pm
should I remove the words individuals from paragraph one's topic sentence? I am going through to make changes to my paper now.
English - Writeacher, Saturday, May 21, 2011 at 7:01pm
No, you don't need to remove it. It's possessive, though, and how do we indicate possessives in English?
english - Icelocsgirl, Saturday, May 21, 2011 at 7:49pm
Like this "individual's"
English - Writeacher, Saturday, May 21, 2011 at 7:51pm
Yes, that's correct.

Use individual's when it is one individual who "owns" something; use individuals' when there are more than one.
english - Icelocsgirl, Saturday, May 21, 2011 at 7:56pm
Thank you very much
english - Writeacher, Saturday, May 21, 2011 at 8:10pm
You're welcome. Let me know if you have more questions, OK?

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