Posted by Henry1 on Sunday, May 1, 2011 at 3:59pm.
1) He fears they will have an accident, injure themselves or that their motorbikes could break down.
There's a major problem here - non-parallel construction. Try this: He fears they will have an accident, injure themselves, or suffer broken-down motorbikes. In your series, the elements needs to be alike; you had two verb phrases and a noun clause, and I changed it to three verb phrases.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/parallelism.htm
2) While I was getting ready for school, my sister had a shower (is "had a shower" possible??)/ my mum phoned me.
"took a shower" is better; everything else is fine.
3) After I had got ready, I left home.
"had got" is awkward; try this: After getting ready, I left home.
4) I don't belong to any charities. If I donated money, I would donate it to UNICEF
People don't "belong" to charities. They volunteer for charities; they donate to charities; they help with charities; etc. I think I wrote this before.
5) He fears they will/might/could/ have problems with their motorbikes.
Can you say "their motorbikes will have problems??"
Your first phrasing is far better; the second phrasing sounds as if the motorbikes are people!!
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