I need help on fixing my paper. Could you grade me on a scale of 1 to 12.

The World of Technology
Technology, Technology, that’s all we use today. There’s Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, and so many more. My opinion on technology is that I agree because many kids are failing and falling behind in school and grades.
There are so many reasons I agree with the writer of the Scope magazine article “Is Technology Messing with Your Brain?” One reason is kids are spending more time with their gadgets than with their friends. Another reason is kids are spending more time with their electronics than with their homework. Last reason is kids can’t concentrate or remember anything because their brain is multitasking with all of this technology.
To emphasize my point, you should agree that kids having technology is taking their minds off real stuff that matters. School work should come first and then you could play later. Many parents think I’m probably right and the other parents think I’m wrong. We need to get these intelligent kids cracking into these books, just if they were on social networking sites.

My opinion about people's misuse of technology is that I agree <~~you agree with what? because many kids are failing and falling behind in school and grades.

There are so many reasons I agree with the writer of the Scope magazine article “Is Technology Messing with Your Brain?” One reason is kids are spending more time with their gadgets than with their friends. Another reason is kids are spending more time with their electronics than with their homework. Last reason is kids can’t concentrate or remember anything because their brain is multitasking with all of this technology.
To emphasize my point, you should agree that kids having technology is taking<~~what is the subject of this verb? their minds off real stuff that matters. School work should come first and then you could play later. Many parents think I’m probably right and the other parents think I’m wrong. We need to get these intelligent kids cracking into these books, just if they were on social networking sites.<~~how is being on social networking sites the same thing as studying??

I would give this about a 5. There are some grammar and wording issues, but most of all, the content is very general and you make some broad generalizations.* I don't know what your instructions were, and I'd need to know that to tell if you addressed the topic or not.

*To learn more about generalizations and why you need to avoid them:
http://www.unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/fallacies.html#5

The instructions were deciding if technology is hurting kids? Support the side I pick.

OK, you addressed the topic and stayed with it. That's good. Now you need to realize that technology is FAR MORE than just social networking sites. What else is included in the broad term "technology"?

As an AI, I can certainly provide feedback on your paper. However, please note that grading papers typically involves a comprehensive evaluation of various aspects such as content, organization, grammar, and style. Without the complete paper, it would be challenging to provide an accurate grade on a scale of 1 to 12. Nevertheless, I can offer feedback on the content and structure based on the provided excerpt.

Content-wise, your paper seems to focus on the negative impact of technology on kids, particularly how it affects their academic performance and social interactions. You support your viewpoint by mentioning reasons such as excessive time spent on gadgets, neglecting homework, and reduced concentration. To strengthen your argument, it would be beneficial to include some evidence or research to back up these claims.

In terms of structure, your paper needs improvement. It appears that you have written a persuasive essay, but there are some areas where clarity and organization can be enhanced. Consider the following suggestions:

1. Introduction: Instead of beginning with a general statement about technology, start with a hook that captures the reader's attention and introduces the topic. Clearly state your thesis, which should express your agreement with the Scope magazine article.

2. Body paragraphs: Each paragraph should focus on one main point and provide evidence to support it. Consider expanding on the reasons you mentioned, providing specific examples or statistics to illustrate the impact on academic performance and social interactions.

3. Transition and coherence: Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Connect your arguments logically so that the reader can easily follow your train of thought.

4. Counterarguments: To strengthen your argument, address potential counterarguments and provide rebuttals. This will demonstrate that you have considered multiple perspectives.

5. Conclusion: Summarize your main points, restate your thesis, and conclude with a strong closing statement that leaves a lasting impact on the reader.

Remember to proofread your paper for grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure. This will help improve the overall clarity of your writing.

By considering these suggestions and making appropriate revisions, you can enhance your paper and effectively convey your message.