Posted by Shivi on Sunday, February 20, 2011 at 12:27am.
"Write a creative description of a journey you have taken. Focus on the means of transportation and the nuances in particular to that way of travel. Select 10 words from the spelling list to use in your piece of writing and write in the space provided on the answer sheet."
The words are: destination, exist, forage, larva, surface, density, peer, presence, vessels, meander, distracted, heaving, adequate, fastened, catastrophe.
Please proof-read and suggest a closing paragraph, this is my final draft that i am going to present tomorrow so it's kind of urgent. Thank you for your help in advance if I don't get the time.
It looked as though it was a catastrophic nightmare. Posters half-ripped, seats that have been severely slashed and have bits of yellow sponge coming out of it, rubbish and litter lying everywhere and the familiar, distinct smell of the tobacco smoke the bus driver always has. This was my first impression of the bus I now get on every evening, but now I'm basically habituated.
As I was sitting I began to observe her and I noticed that it could be very interesting to actually sit and observe someone for a long period of time. She was restless and looked as though she was foraging for something through her handbag. I kindly helped her pick up her missing keys that was lying beside her and a numerous amount of times she said “Thank you, my dear.” I heaved myself of the floor and returned to my seat. With her kind words still echoing in my head, I felt the presence of my mother near me – which was somewhat surprising.
I looked at my watch, it was now six o’clock in the evening, just the beginning of rush hour. A glass door of an office building burst open as a bunch off people dressed in business-wear meandered onto the pedestrian crossing. Within minutes, the street was packed with people who shifted left and right through the wave of grey, blue and black.
With no progress in getting closer towards my destination, due to the congested traffic conditions, I got distracted and slightly opened the window. My hand brushed against the cold surface of the glass and created an imprint of my hand. Clouds were denser than usual and were clustering above my head, it looked as if it was going to rain heavily – and so it did. The trees fought the urge to stand straight but the monstrous winds kept on howling aggressively as if the frightened beings did not exist.
- Yr 10 English URGENT - SraJMcGin, Sunday, February 20, 2011 at 1:10am
Tomorrow, on Sunday?
as though it were...
out of it or out of them?
as though she were
keys that were laying
as if it were
For the ending, you have to get off the bus, or she does?
- Yr 10 English URGENT - Shivi, Sunday, February 20, 2011 at 3:17am
Thanks for the proof-read and no its Sunday here so yes it is due on Monday.
She does get off the bus but a little moire than than, a LITTLE. That's the part I'm stuck with
- Yr 10 English URGENT - SraJMcGin, Sunday, February 20, 2011 at 12:36pm
Finally she got off the bus, into the howling wind and incessant rain. I could barely see her through the fogged window as she fought her way across the street. Tomorrow was another day and I wondered if she would be on the bus again. I knew I would be.
(Sorry, I don't understand a LITTLE? You have used all the words, or most of them, so all you need is some sort of ending?)
- Yr 10 English URGENT - Anonymous, Sunday, February 20, 2011 at 9:38pm
Yeah about that, i have to memorise this and write it in class for a literacy test, tahts why im trying t it down as much as possible.
- Yr 10 English URGENT - Emily, Sunday, March 6, 2011 at 1:14am
I made it up on the day. I made something up about a boat about 2 sink and I was about to die. Nice story though. What did u get for it?
- Yr 10 English URGENT - Shivi, Sunday, March 6, 2011 at 2:48am
Wait...who are you? :)
- Yr 10 English URGENT - Emily, Wednesday, March 16, 2011 at 3:24am
My last name starts with a B......
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