posted by Anonymous on .
• Eliminating wordiness:
1. Seeing the barrels, the driver immediately slammed on his brakes.
2. A really well-stocked bookshelf should have classical literature on it as well as important modern works of the current day.
3. China’s enormously huge work population has an effect on the global world of high-tech manufacturing of things.
4. A typical autocross course consists of at least two straightaways and the rest of the course is made up of numerous slaloms and several sharp turns.
5. At breakfast time, Mehrdad always started his day with cantaloupe, lemon yogurt, and black coffee.
• Eliminate jargon, pretentious, flowery language, euphemisms, and doublespeak:
1. We learned that the mayor had been engaging in a creative transfer of city employees’ pension funds.
2. After a cursory examination of brand-new research materials on textiles, Patricia and the members of her team made the decision to engage in a series of visits to fashion manufacturers in the local vicinity.
3. The nurse announced that there had been a negative patient-care outcome due to a therapeutic misadventure on the part of the surgeon.
4. A generally leisurely pace at the onset of tai chi exercises can yield a variety of beneficial points within a short period of time.
5. The bottom line is that the company is experiencing a negative cash flow.
• Eliminate sexist language or sexist assumptions:
1. A fireman often spends his off-duty time giving fire safety presentations in local schools.
2. The chairman for the new program in digital art is Ariana Tamlin, and accomplished portrait painter, computer programmer, and cookie baker.
3. In the gubernatorial race, Lena Weiss, a defense lawyer and mother of two, easily defeated Harvey Tower, an architect.
4. Recent military history has shown that lady combat pilots are as skilled, reliable, and resourceful as men.
5. An emergency room head nurse must know how to use sophisticated digital equipment if she is to keep track of all her patients’ data and guide her medical team.
• Correct misused words:
1. Waste, misuse of government money, security, and health violations, and even pilfering have become major dilemmas in some government agencies.
2. Designers of handheld devices know that changes in ambience temperatures can damage the tiny circuit boards.
3. Grand Isle State Park is surrounded on three sides by water.
4. The Old World nuance of the restaurant intrigued us.
5. The person who complained to the human resources manager wishes to remain unanimous.
• Eliminate errors in the use of idiomatic expressions:
1. Be sure and report on the danger of releasing genetically engineered bacteria into the atmosphere.
2. Why do you assume that embezzling bank assets is so different than robbing the bank?
3. The wilderness guide seemed capable to show us where the trail of petroglyphs was located.
4. In Evan’s cautious mind, packing his own parachute seemed preferable to letting an indifferent teenager fold all that silk and cord into a small pack.
5. Andrea plans on joining the Peace Corps after graduation.
• Edit to replace worn-out expressions and clarify mixed figures of speech.
1. Patricia was used to burning the candle at both ends to get her assignments done.
2. No matter how many books he reads, Andre can never seem to quench his hunger for knowledge.
3. In an era of cutbacks and outsourcing, the best high-tech workers discover that being a jack of all trades is a solid gold key to continued success.
4. There are too many cooks in the broth at corporate headquarters.
5. Juanita told Kyle that keeping skeletons in the closet would be playing with fire.
We'll be glad to check YOUR answers.
For the sexist language ones, just make sure you eliminate any use of he or she. It makes the assujmption that anyone who has that certain job is a certian gender. But that's as far as I'll go, because, like Ms. Sue said, you have to provide your own answers, thoughts, guesses, something!