Homework Help: ENG 121 English Composition I

Posted by holly on Sunday, January 23, 2011 at 6:35pm.

can some one tell me where my mistakes are in this essay please need my tomorrow night. (here is my paper)

THE BEGANING TO MY BEGANING

I decided to return to school about two years ago my reasoning for returning back to school was I seen how many of my friends and family members were effected by not having an education.

I told myself I did not want to end up with struggles, having to work at low end jobs, worrying how I would pay my bills or support my family; those are scary thing to have to think about on a daily bases, I know regardless I will have to go through things like that but I just don’t want to have to worry as much.
When I first started I had so many emotions running through my body I did not know how to feel, I was scared, nerves, happy and so many more but I knew it was going to be the best thing I have ever done. I know when I finish my degree I will have a career and that is one of the things that motivates me, I plan to push myself to be strong and motivated and not to give up my dreams like most of the other woman in my family did.

I never believed returning to school could be something I had in my life plan, before I decided to return to school I had a drug problem that I needed to over come, my life was surrounded with the wrong people and bad choices it took me almost five years to realize that I was headed down the wrong path, until one day my cousin told me “this is not the holly I know you can do so much with your life I am giving you the chance to change it now”. That day I packed my things and went with him with out a fight it changed my life forever; I have been drug free for 5 years and four months I am very thankful for him opening my eyes. Since then I have done nothing but made positive choices in my life, and that’s how I made the decision to return to school.

I knew when I planed to return to school I would have to change something’s in my life to be able to pursue my goals, I just kept telling myself it would all be worth it at the end and that was ok with me. I know since I have started school there have been many changes in my life some for the good and some for the bad. I have recently had to take care of my ill father and that is a twenty four hour job, I worry that I won’t have time to do my work, I don’t care how late it is before I get to it as long as I get it done, I push myself to make sure school is a must. Know matter how much I have done that day or how tired I may be I always make sure my work is done. My life is full of challenges on a daily bases; my family always tells me I am pushing myself to hard, I believe If I don’t push myself how will I every complete any of the goals I set for myself?

I have a pretty big family; I have two sisters, two brothers, four nieces, and four nephews three of them are in school, I believe they look up to me they always say “NEWNEW you still have a lot of home work to do is it hard” I always respond “it is as hard as I make it” I make sure they know they can do any thing that they put their minds to nothing is impossible as long as you try. My one niece is an A-B student and I believe she tries so hard because she sees how hard I work. I believe I broke the chain I think I may have started something great in my family I believe I will not be the last women in my family to have a great education. I think that their will be many great success stories for years to come.

I plan to one day have a family of my own that can look up to me and see how hard I worked to become who I am today. I want my children to be able to say “MOM can you help me with my homework” and I will be able to say “yes”, I know when I was younger my mother and father did not have a great education so they was never able to help me when I asked, just me having to experience that I would never want my own children to have to go through those struggles. So that is another big part of my motivation. I want my children to be goal oriented; I want them to be able to look at me as a role model someone they can be proud of.

I plan to jump over any obstacle in my way to successfully complete my degree I have seen so many of my friends and family member let something so simple get in the way of their dreams. I would always hear the woman in my family say I will get back to school when my kids have left the nest and never see them return I don’t want to be just another statistic. I want to be able to say I made it even though there were so many things and people saying I never would finish, {LOOK AT ME NOW} I did it. I will over come these obstacles by just telling myself I can do this no matter how hard it get or how many people tell me I cant.

I know that I am strong and I have the will power to do this, I will keep tell myself that ever day. I hope to have the support of my family and friends, I have dreams that I know I can reach as long as I starch my arms as far as they will go. I BELIEVE THE SKY IS THE LIMIT. No one can know the potential, of a life that is committed to win; with courage - the challenge it faces, to achieve great success in the end! We must have vision to see our potential, and faith to believe that we can; then courage to act with conviction, to become what GOD meant us to be! So, possess the strength and the courage, to conquer whatever you choose; it’s the person who never gets started,
that is destined forever to lose!

ENG 121 English Composition I - SraJMcGin, Sunday, January 23, 2011 at 6:50pm
You need to begin with the mechanics: spelling, punctuation, etc. This is so long that I will have to print it out. My eyes do not skim up and down, u and down.

I 'll be back when I've had time to do it.

Sra
ENG 121 English Composition I - SraJMcGin, Sunday, January 23, 2011 at 7:23pm
The Beginning To My Beginning (note spelling)

years ago my reasoning (run-on sentence) = years ago. My reasong.....

I seen (bad grammar) = I saw

low end (could use hyphen as it's used as an adjective = low-end job

those are scary thing (those are = plural bu scary thing = singular) = those are scary things

bases, I know (2 errors = spelling and punctuation to avoid the run-on sentence) = basis. I know (OR substitute ; for . as you did earlier.)

first started I had so (often a comma after a dependent phrase allows you to take a breath so you can read the rest of it) = first, started...

nerves,(part of speech; you need an adjective, not a noun) = nervous

and so many more (where is the antecedent = more what?)...

life plan, before I (run-on sentence) = lie plan. Before...

choices it took (run-on sentence) = choices. It took...

told me “this (punctuation) = told me, "Thie...)

holly I know you (2 punctuation errors) = Holly I know. You

it now”. (depends upon American English = it now." OR British English = it now".

with out a fight it changed (spelling and run-on sentence) = without a fight. It changed...

four months I am (run-on sentence) = four months. I am (and congratulations to you!)

for him opening (you need an adjective to modify opening, a gerund used as a noun here) = his opening

done nothing but made (word order could be better = made nothing but...

(It's getting a bit long, so let me to a Part II.)

Sra
ENG 121 English Composition I - SraJMcGin, Sunday, January 23, 2011 at 7:55pm
Part II:

that was "let me do a Part II = MY error! Sorry.

nephews three of (run-on sentence) = newphews; OR . Three, etc.

up to me they always (by now you probably see that the most repeated error is a run-on sentence) = up to me. They always...

always say “NEWNEW (punctuation before a quote) = say, "NEWNEW,.... (then a comma for direct address)

of home work (one word) = homework

to do is it hard” I always respond “it is as hard as I make it” (I lumped them together) = to do. Is it hard?" I always respond, "It is as hard as I make it."

do any thing (spelling) = anything

minds to nothing is (Can you spot a run-on sentence now?) = minds to it. Nothing is...

the chain I think (guess what?) the chain. I think...

family I believe (another one) = family. I believe...

last women (singular vs plural) = "last woman" or "the last of the women"

their will be (wrong part of speech) = there will be

to be able to say “MOM can you help me with my homework” and I will be able to say “yes”, I know when I was younger my mother and father did not have a great education so they was never able to help me when I asked, (I lumped all that together too.) = to say, "MOM, can you help me with my homework?" and I will be able to say, "Yes." I know that when I was younger my mother and father did not have a great education, so they were (plural) never able to help me when I asked.

just me having to experience that I would (I rewrote it a bit.) = I was alone having to experience struggles that I would never want my children to go through.

a role model someone = a role model and someone...

degree I have seen = degree. I have seen

family member (singular vs plural) = family members...

the woman in my family (singular vs plural) = the women in my family

return I don’t (first of all, did you want to QUOTE the women? Then you need more punctuation. Also the run-on sentence needs to be corrected) = return. I don't...

I made it even though t (a comma is nice to allow you to take a breath) = I made it, even though

After a period or exclamation point within the parentheses, over come (one word) = overcme

do this no matter how hard it get or how many people tell me I cant. (look carefully for punctuation - a comma and an apostrophe plus the verb) = do this, no matter how hard it gets or how many people tell me I can't.

to do this, I will keep tell myself that ever day. (3 errors here) = to do this. I will keep telling myself that every day.

friends, I have dreams (run-on sentence) = friends; OR . I have...

I starch my arms (looka likE vocabulary error) = I stretch my arms

potential, of a life (remove comma) = potential of a life

with courage - the challenge it faces, to achieve great success in the end! (I'm a bit lost here.) = It faces the challenge with courage, to achieve, etc.

can; then (just listing things = comma) = can, then

Monumental job! Feel free to rewrite everything with all the corrections made for a final proofreading, if you'd like!

Sra

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