Here is my answer again:
Winston Churchill, a strong leader who told it like it was. He was a true British man. Churchill was not afraid to stand up for what he believed in. He would never give up or surrender. Churchill would always have the British spirit within him, all the time. Winston Churchill was a true leader and had the good qualities of a leader.
Franklin Roosevelt held many qualities of a great leader. They helped him to lead the country as the longest person to be president. Roosevelt acted as the voice of the people. Roosevelt had to protect a great nation while maintaining little interests behind him. Roosevelt was the voice of the people and he stride in creating and helping new opportunities for them. Franklin was a great leader because of his qualities.
To me, I believe that the most important qualities of a leader are the way they care for their people. Never giving up and being strong is another wonderful quality of a leader. Winston Churchill and Franklin Roosevelt demonstrated these qualities greatly. Though no leader was absolutely perfect, as no one is, the qualities of Churchill and Roosevelt showed wonderful qualities that made them true leaders, and made difference in history.
Let's re-examine your directions:
1. Write a well-organized essay A well organized essay needs to have an introduction that includes a thesis statement, minimum of 2 or 3 support paragraphs, and a conclusion; well developed paragraphs should have a topic sentence, minimum of 4 or 5 support/detail/explanation sentences, and maybe a conclusion/transition sentence.
2. explaining how either Winston Churchill or Franklin Roosevelt Choose one; don't write about both.
3. demonstrated or failed to demonstrate Choose one; don't write about both.
4. the two leadership qualities you selected as most important. What TWO leadership qualities are you focusing on?
5. Remember you will be graded on content, This includes following directions 2, 3, and 4 above. What you have written so far includes generalities but no specifics.
6. organization, This includes following direction 1 above.
7. and mechanics (grammar, spelling, punctuation, and sentence structure).
Fix all fragments, subject-verb agreement issues, comma uses (when to use them AND when not to use them), etc.
Anya: Being obstinate and being British is not leadership.
Your essay is fluff. You need to focus on leadership traits, and how they demonstrated them. Read her the section on Leadership traits.
It's good, but you need to write about Churchill or Roosevelt. Not both. Also, in history essays... Never say "I believe" or "To me". Instead of those, say "The most important qualities of a leader are..."
It's fine, but you could elaborate more. You also need to write about Churchill or Roosevelt. Not both. Also, in history essays... Never say "I believe" or "To me". Instead of those, say "The most important qualities of a leader are..."
Also, you are just stating facts. How did the person demonstrate or fail to demonstrate?