"Justice is not being severed<~~what? in the case of the Somali pirates. Truth is being hindered<~~what? from others about the Somali pirates and how the Somali pirates emerged in the beginning."
1. Those two sentences are redundant.
2. How do you feel / What do YOU THINK about the truth being "hindered"?
You must have an opinion about the topic before you can write a decent thesis.
In addition, work on making all the verbs active, not passive. You'll have better sentences.
I guess i'm confused about where to start. Here is my another thesis please chek it and tell me if I need to fix it. Thanks. I'm for the pirates, I mean like human rights(Somali people are dying because of the toxic wastes)
Although the Somali pirates size ships and kidnap individuals, they have the rights to defend their native country from those who enter without permission and voilate its rights.
What are your sources of information? According to everything I've heard and read about this situation, they are NOT defending their country; they are after money (ransoms); they are attacking ships in international waters.
Where are you getting your information?
I have a lot of resouces for it and yes they are after money. But you have to understand that Somali is corrupted and poor country. 25% of Somali children die under the age of 5 years old. Before they were pirates they were fisherman because of the European overfishing they lost their jobs and European copies started to dump toxic wastes on Somali waters. Over 300 people died, people began to have skin radiation. The pirates are ex fisherman and their new job is caputer boats. I disagree what they are doing however I dislike the fact that European ships go to another country that is dangerous, take their seafood, dump toxic waste on its water and come back home to claim they are the victims of Somali pirates. I am writting about how the Somali pirates came to be and the toxic wastes that brought hardships on the Somali people.
Here are the resoucers But please check my thesis. It says internet addresses are not allowded but I'll give you the titles.
Admin. “Untold stories about Somali pirates
Al-Mutairi, Abdulaziz “Shame on the Somali identity
Hari, Johann. “Toxic Waste behind Somali pirates
Taxi, Pink. “Somali pirates
That last part you wrote for me, where you focused on the toxic dumps and the incredible poverty, is very strong. Scrap what you're calling your thesis, and pull your thesis from this last paragraph you wrote just above your sources.
In order to have an effective paper, you need to be able to present facts and draw conclusions, but NOT let your emotions get in the way. I have forbidden certain topics for essays and research papers among my students because I know that when a student's emotions get involved, good writing goes out the window.
Use this last paragraph you wrote above. That should be the center of your paper.