posted by Franco on .
I forgot to include the following sentences. Thank you.
1)I need to rephrase this: “These schools incorporated the new-found ideals of manliness; of physical, sporting endeavour, of valuing team above self, of learning to play the game and without worrying who wins or loses”.
2)Some schools valued their pupils’ athletic achievements (prowess) more than their scholarly ones.
3) Team games became essential for inculcating (encouraging) discipline, obedience and sense of duty in the pupils.
4) Britain’s mass games and sports such as football, cricket and rugby were perfected and given their modern form.
5)These sports and the ideals associated with them (?) were adopted all over the British Empire.
6) In particular, British children were taught not only to be disciplined, sporty (athletic) and team-oriented(?) but also to be proud of their homeland and of their racial superiority.
7) Being Victorian society both hierarchical and sexist (?), they were educated to fit their social rank and their sex role. (I need to rephrase this too)
1 - Try paraphrasing this one and repost.
2 - achievements
3 - inculcating
4 - "mass games and sports" >> rephrase to "team sports"
5 - ideas
6 - "disciplined, athletic, and cooperative" [working for the common good] - and are you sure you want to include this? "and of their racial superiority" ??
7 - "Since Victorian society was both hierarchical and sexist, they [<~~who are "they"?] were educated to fit their social rank and their gender role."
Study comma uses some more.