Posted by erica p. on Thursday, December 2, 2010 at 11:30am.
the extra number 1 in the first paragraph wasn't suppose to be there
In #1 --
Delete the first or second sentence; they repeat each other.
"stuff" is slang; what word can you use instead?
Get rid of all instances of "you" and its forms. It's too informal for what you're writing.
Get rid of the "My Aunt Martha..." sentence; it doesn't fit.
Combine the "My dad" sentence and the "He didn't" sentence to blend related ideas.
"stuff" - again; step-mom (needs a hyphen)
with whom I donít get along. <~~corrected
Verb tense sequencing problems here: "If he would have had a will, I might have been able to start college sooner."
If he had had a will, I might...
These are repetitive: "But my dad didnít have a will. A will is good and you need to get one. Do you have a will?"
How can you end this paragraph better?
Now you work on the rest and repost when you have made corrections.
If you need help with phrasing and grammar, this index is excellent:
Focus on these problem areas:
primer language (avoiding)
thank you for your help
You're welcome. Don't forget to post the other paragraphs when you are finished correcting them.
ok, i will
i miss read the assigmnent. i was suppose to read some paragraphs and Identify which paragraph was more effective and analyze why this is so.
Include a discussion of sentence variety and the rhythm of the authorís writing. Focus on the writing rather than the opinions presented. Underline your topic sentence. out of the paragraphs i chose.
Paragraph five explained in detail about how hard it is to avoid and manage debt. The author gave superior examples about paying bills, going to the grocery store, and unexpected bills like car tags. He or she also included, that we are told to use cash instead of credit cards to stay out of debt. What if the use of a credit card, keeps us ahead according to the other bills and unexpected visits to the doctor? There are many stressors that can arise in daily life that we cannot predict. When someone tries to keep utility bills, and go to the grocery store there are other daily hassles that may arise, and no one may be ready for it. So, who ends up paying the extra bills if there is no more cash, and they are recommended not to use credit cards? Its extremely hard avoiding and managing debt, especially when no one knows how to pay that unexpected bill.
i need to know if my writing is clear and flows in sequence.
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