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english essay, please proof read

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I have to write an essay on the chloera of haiti. For my intro, I have to write explain the subject and why it's important. I haven't written why it's important yet, but I described my subject. Can you please check to see if it's okay. Also, my essay only has to be 250-500 words. So I can't put a lot of details either. I have to keep it short and precise.

As of October 2010, it has been confirmed that a breakout of cholera has occurred in a region north of Port-au-Prince, Haiti. Cholera, caused by a bacterium called vibrio cholera, is an infectious disease that damages the intestines in the body. A person who is infected experiences vomiting and explosive diarrhea which leads to dehydration and death if untreated. There are many causes that have a played a role in this epidemic breakout such as, poor water conditions and sanitation, public health issues, floods, and the recent earthquake that took place in January 2010 which caused displacement for many Haitians.

  • reworded my question, please read this - ,

    So for my essay, in paragraph 1, I explained what I have to say in my original post.
    In paragraph 2, I have to state the current situation associated with this subject(s). What is happening now in the field that triggered you to write an article about this subject(s).

    So I broke up my paragraph above. But for paragraph one, how would I say that this subject is important without stating the obvious. In other words, how can i say it and still have the paragraph flow. Or should i make it obvious and just say, "This is important b/c blah blah blah"

    P1:
    As of October 2010, it has been confirmed that a breakout of cholera has occurred in a region north of Port-au-Prince, Haiti. Cholera, caused by a bacterium called vibrio cholera, is an infectious disease that damages the intestines in the body. A person who is infected experiences vomiting and explosive diarrhea which leads to dehydration and death if untreated.

    P2:
    There are many causes that have a played a role in this epidemic breakout such as, poor water conditions and sanitation, public health issues, floods, and the recent earthquake that took place in January 2010 which caused displacement for many Haitians.

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