Posted by rene on .
I think that paragraph 3 is more effective than paragraph 1 because it is structured in a better manner and has better rhythm than paragraph1. It also has better structures sentences than paragraph 1. For example in paragraph 1 sentences like, ‘My Aunt Martha went to a lawyer to get a will, I did my will online. My dad died in 1988. He didn’t have a will’ are not correctly written. Also, the sentence variety is better in paragraph 3. The first paragraph has lot of short and unlinked sentences and at many times, it is not making sense to have so many sentences. The third paragraph has better sentence structure and rhythm. It is more interesting to read the third paragraph, then the first one. There is no sentence variety in the first paragraph and all the sentences start in the same manner and all of them are short ones. But, in the third paragraph also there are ample numbers of issues but better sentence structure is what makes it a better paragraph. The sentences are far too long and could have a better rhythm. Even the word choice could have been better in paragraph one and it seems to be very personal and unplanned.
I feel this is the topic sentence => I think that paragraph 3 is more effective than paragraph 1 because it is structured in a better manner and has better rhythm than paragraph1. <= do you feel this is a good topic sentence??