Posted by Jack on Monday, November 8, 2010 at 8:09am.
Please correct my english!
I'm not an english speaker, but currently study english at school. Our homework is to write an english dissertation. But before it, we should give the teacher the detailed plan. It's noted, so I will be very thankfull if someone can correct mine before I give it to my teacher. I'd like you to correct my grammar, but any idea will also appreciated.
Here's it :
Topic : How can army protect environment ?
Thesis statement :
Environment protection, biodiversity restoring, renewable energie, and fight against global warning : these expressions are too recent and often wrongly interchanged in daily life so that they are worth defining. Nowadays, developed contry armies are introducing such initiatives in their policy, while poor countries do not undertake nothing about. These actions are very effiscent to limit environment degradation especially for countries that use such policies, but still remain insignificant to radically stop the current environment deterioration.
Detailed and comprehensive outline :
Introduction : short presentation of my ivestigation : (via internet, what I see in France, What I perceived in Indonesia). The plan of the research.
I- Can army save biodiversity ?
a)Reminding of the interest of saving biodiversity : technical explanation, the threat.
b)What actions are army undertaking now ?
The reduction of nuclear activity since the end of the II WW.
Case of French army : protection of wild animals and plants, green area inside many bases.
Case of USA :
protection of wild animals and plants, green area inside many bases.
The importance of its engagement in the previous 10 years.
Case of developping countries ( The example of Indonesia and other countries) : insufficiency and even lack of initiative
II- What can army do to reduce “global warning” and what about renewable energy use ?
a)Reminding : what generate global warning ? / why are renewable energies necessary ? : technical explanation.
b)What policy do army manage ?
Short remind of nuclear activity reduction, said above)
Use of alternative energy sources: renewable energy :
Case of French army : use of electric car in many base / Use of electric train.
Case of the US army : use of animals in war instead of overspending energy vehicles (dolphins, seal, and dogs).
Case of India : expecting to use military electric vehicles
c)What about developping countries :
nothing undertaken due to low level of technology
Elementary responsbilitie :
Supplying gendarms and policeman in the accomplishment of directives published by the environment ministry
On the contrary : they live by destroying environment like civil people do.
III- Do our current actions and the current military initiatives lead us to a better world environment ?
a)Case of developping countries : the response is “no” : environment is not an army preoccupation at all. “There is a ministry for it” they say.
b)Case of developped countries :
Assessment of the environment initiative : generally positif result if we try to guess “what would happen in case army do not mind about environment at all?”
But these initiatives are like a bullet in a ocean :
A very small use of alternative energy : statistics and numbers
Polutating actions preponderancy : case of the offshore drilling explosion, case of the two important nuclear meltdowns (Tree Mile Island, and Chernobyl)
Global and world initiatives are still missing, and seem difficult to build : COPENHAG meeting unsuccess.
Contrast between developped and developping countries
The importance of the recent counscientiousness about the environment protection by army
Assessment of these initiatives : a general good result but also many limits.
Thanks a lot.
English - Writeacher, Monday, November 8, 2010 at 8:51am
Topic: How can the a country's army protect the environment?
Environmental protection, biodiversity restoration, renewable energy, and fight against global warning -- these expressions are too recent, often wrongly interchanged in daily life, and are worth defining. Nowadays, developed countries' armies are introducing such initiatives<~~what are "such initiatives"? in their policies, while poor countries do not undertake anything. These actions are very effiscent to limit environmental degradation, especially for countries that use such policies, but still remain insignificant to radically stop the current environment deterioration. <~~All this is your introduction, not simply the thesis statement, which should be ONE SENTENCE. The last sentence is extremely vague. There is no specific thesis statement here. See links below about how to write GOOD thesis statements.
Thesis statement help:
English - Writeacher, Monday, November 8, 2010 at 8:55am
Correction: "How can the/a country's army..."
You need to be specific here. It looks as if you need to work on the use of articles (a, an, the) in English, which (admittedly) is not easy. But you need to work on it.
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