posted by Veronica on .
*REDO*This Is a Argumentative Essay On Plymouth,Massachusetts, Can you see if I need some corecctions?
“The cowards never started and the weak died along the way” It is applied to the Plymouth Pilgrims, who clearly had obtain courage, strength, and faith to make such a difficult journey to America. I have said this because there are many hardships that the Plymouths had faced, during their journey such as they had long and harsh winters, unfertile soil and were unable to obtain food for the first winter, and had no homes or shelters. Indeed the Native Americans had helped them with the hardships that the Pilgrims have faced. The Pilgrims have showed their love by killing Native Americans, and enslaving them. This can state to my argument that the Pilgrims can been very harsh after what the Native Americans helped them throughout the hardships that the Pilgrims have faced.
In the 16th century the Pilgrims had settled out in a Mayflower ship to establish settlements and explore for goods to take back for their country. The first winter in the New World was extremely hard. When the Pilgrims landed in Massachusetts, there were no houses or stores or no place to live. There was only wilderness. The Mayflower stayed through the winter and the passengers stayed on board the ship. The men tried to build shelters, but the cold weather made this very slow. The winter was much colder than they had known in Europe. Snow, sleet, and high winds battered the Mayflower ship which, anchored in the harbor. The Pilgrims tried to survive on stale food that left over from their long voyage.Many of the Pilgrims were sick, many died, probably of pneumonia; pneumonia is a disease of the lungs caused by bacteria or viruses. They had no medicines to treat this disease. The 132 Pilgrims and crew who left England, only fifty-three of them survived the first winter. This is how the Pilgrims have come in the New World and suffered during the first winter and the Natives had started to give their sympathy over them.
The Native Americans helped the Pilgrims by teaching them how to live off the new and unfamiliar land. They showed them techniques for getting water, how to grow crops, and how to survive the harsh winters in the east. Squanto was of great help to the Pilgrims. He helped them build warm houses. He taught them when to plant their corn crops. Into a hill, they would put several seeds along with a fish for fertilizer to help the corn grow rapidly. Without his help, there would not have been 20 acres of corn produced that year. Later, he taught the women how to cook the corn. Squanto also advised the Pilgrims in their relations with the Indians. He helped them make friends, acted as interpreter, guided them on trading expeditions, and gave advice on bargaining with the natives.
The Native Americans had soon figured out that the Pilgrims were going to take over their land. Eventually, they did take over their land. The Pilgrims had captured the Native Americans and salved them and had treated them very harshly even though the Native Americans had helped them a lot through out their hardships which had through out this journey. I think that was very unfair for the Native Americans to be treated in such a bad and cruel way because if they were helping the Native Americans and after they had helped them the Native Americans would have salved them and treated them badly.
A very wise person had once said “Treat others the way, you should be treated”. I agree with this because if some one treats you nicely you should treat them nicely the same way back.
As a result, you can see how the Pilgrims had showed their love back to the Native Americans and the Native Americans had truly shown their sympathy to the Pilgrims, by my argument can prove that
the Pilgrims can been very harsh after what the Native Americans helped them throughout the hardships the Pilgrims have faced.
1. "had obtain?" either had obtained or obtained or needed to obtain...
2. "the Pilgrims have faced." = this is called "a sequence of tense" error. If you begin in the past, you STAY in the past = had faced
3. "Pilgrims have showed " = same error = had shown. If you prefer the present, use the "historical present" when writing and you'll be safe!
4. "Pilgrims can been very harsh after what the Native Americans helped them.....have faced" = were very harsh? after the way the Natives.....?
"Start in the future, it's safe to stay in the future. "start in the past,it' safe to st ay in the past." = General Rule only.
5. "Pilgrims had settled out in a Mayflower" = had started out in..."
6, "which, anchored in the harbor." = or "which was anch ored in the harbor."
7. "food that left over" = "which was..."
8. "The 132 Pilgrims and crew" should begin with "OF the 132........"
9. "This is how the Pilgrims have come in the New World and suffered during the first winter and the Natives had started to give their sympathy over them." = how about "This is how.....came.... have come - came....gave their sympathy to them
8. (Paragraph 4) "and salved them" Sorry, but I do not understand what you are trying to say.....who had saved them?
9. "through out = is one word = throughout ... "if they were helping the Native Americans" = I am totally lost in this sentence. Please rewirte the entire thing.
10. "had showed" = had shown... "o the Pilgrims, by my argument can prove" = end after "Pilgrims." and bwegin a new sentence = please rewrite the entire last sentence as well.