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poems

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for english class i have to write a poem personifying something. I chose to personify a picture in a picture frame. I am not at all good at poems and was wondering if you guys could read mine and tell me what changed i should make and if its really bad and i should just start over :/ lol

~Picture in a Picture Frame~

Oh, picture in a picture frame.

How you write us a story with just a few simple colors and shapes.

You can replay a story that happened many years ago

You can breathe life into a still photo.

On a desk,on a table, on a mantle, whereever you are and wereever you go You write a beautiful story, a song, a play, or a novel.

Your worth a thousand words.

Oh, picture in a picture frame.

  • poems -

    If I were you, I'd first try to find some pattern of rhythm to follow. I wouldn't worry about rhyme, but rhythm will help a great deal.

    Here's something to consider: Your first line is in iambic tetrameter. That is there are 8 syllables arranged in 4 iambic "feet." An iambic foot is 2 syllables with the stress on the second one. Say this line aloud, and say the all-caps syllable louder than the lower-case syllable in each pair:

    da-DA da-DA da-DA da-DA

    Now say this aloud:
    Oh picture in a picture frame

    They match in rhythm, right? That's what I mean by an iambic tetrameter line.

    Now work on making all the other lines in your poem into either iambic tetrameter like the first one or alternating iambic tetrameter (8 syllables) with iambic pentameter (10 syllables).

    You'll need to lengthen some lines and shorten others; you'll also need to divide some of your lines into 2 or 3 shorter lines.

    Once you get the rhythm and wording right, you can work on spelling and such. Don't worry about that stuff now!

  • poems -

    PS -- Here's a good website about meter and rhythm:
    http://www2.one-eyed-alien.net/~ayelton/Writing/meter.html

  • poems -

    I tried the iambic tetrameter type but i just couldn't find good enough words. But, i did try to make it follow a patttern(with each sentence starting with you and then a verb.

    Do you think it is better written now?


    Oh, picture in a picture frame.

    You write a story with just colors and shapes
    You replay an event that happened many years ago
    You breathe life into a still photo.
    You help me revisit an old memory
    You expose a new adventure
    You change the mood of the room you occupy

    Oh, picture in a picture frame.

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