posted by Sara on .
Writeacher, I tried to make my composition more sophisticated by adding varied different words instead of repetetive ones. Can you please have a look at this. I really need this by 2:00 pm. I'll appreciate all the help you can give me, thanks.
The delayed thesis is the starting sentence. The conclusion is at the end.
In the course of time an entity begins to comprehend the significance of its dear ones in its existence. Katherine, the protagonist of “All is calm”, by Ann Walsh, is a dynamic character. Through time she begins to understand about her grandma’s situation and realize the grandma’s importance in her life. Katherine goes through a variety of different emotions during the story. She develops an understanding about life and learns from her mistakes.
At the beginning of the story; Katherine feels as if she has a burden laid on herself when she is asked to take her grandma to the doctor’s. She is unsure of how to react when her grandma walks out of her senses and starts “singing Christmas carols” in the bus. Katherine feels embarrassed. Katherine is unable to recognize the state her grandma is in. She feels uncomfortable when her grandma “[clutches] at [her] hand.” Katherine tries to “untangle [that] hand” from her grandma.
As Katherine’s grandma comes back to her senses and starts acting ‘real’, Katherine feels depressed. She feels her grandma’s love for her and distinguishes the disease taking it away. Katherine’s grandma “[is] back”, and Katherine “want’[s]to cry.” Moreover, Katherine receives help from Kevin, whom she recalls to be a stranger because of his typical strange behaviour in school, but soon she realizes her misjudgement. Katherine feels thankful to Kevin, because he helps take her grandma out of the bus. She underestimates him at first, and later on realizes her fault. She “remembers how patient and good [he] was with her grandmother.” Katherine washes away all the gloomy emotions she had during the beginning when she was unable to understand anything and ends up with bright ones at the conclusion. Katherine “[gives] her [grandma] a hug”. She says “I love you Gran, I’ll always love you.”
Thus, each individual should possess the capability to realize the importance of one’s loved one’s in one’s lives.
-The teacher told all us students that we could insert in quotes from the book which I did. Does this look good?
That first sentence is awful. What is the "entity"? If you mean a human being, then use the word "person" and don't use pronouns like "its" to refer to people.
Read here about delayed thesis:
Make sure you have a full paragraph describing the character as she was at the beginning of the story. Don't retell the story; describe her.
Make sure you have a full paragraph describing the character as she was at the end of the story. Again, don't retell the story.
Make sure you have a full paragraph explaining how this transformation came about. What caused it? There should be two or three incidents/characters in the story that had sufficient influence on her to force the change.