Posted by Hyuna on Wednesday, October 6, 2010 at 9:50am.
Directions:
1. The paragraph must describe one particular experience you’ve had that inspired you or guided you to choose the type of position for which you applied.
2. Your audience is your potential employer and your purpose is to show you have thought carefully about what and/or who has motivated you toward this career choice and why.
3. In addition, you want to convey your enthusiasm for this position as it relates to your inspiring experience.
4. Take time to think about what your audience wants to know and strive to reach a balance between informal and formal business writing</b<.
Have you addressed ALL FOUR of these requirements?
I’m replying to your career opportunity posted on your website. I understand that you are actively seeking to hire a Claims and Billing Coordinator at one of your TriHealth locations. My brother had passed nearly three years ago. He was taken to one of your locations, the doctors and nurses tried everything they could to save him; however he passed away. Through that experience I saw how your employees handled difficult situations really inspired me. I’ve been a stay-at-home mother for the past year and was seeking a new opportunity to advance my career, also to ensure a stable future for myself and my family.
Better!
I’m replying to your career opportunity posted on your website. I understand that you are actively seeking to hire a Claims and Billing Coordinator at one of your TriHealth locations. My brother died nearly three years ago. He was taken to one of your locations where the doctors and nurses tried everything they could to save him; however<~~add comma he passed away. Through that experience, though, I saw how your employees handled a very difficult situation, and all this really inspired me. I’ve been a stay-at-home mother for the past year and am now seeking a new opportunity for advancement and to ensure a stable future for myself and my family.
You'll need to add more to make sure you are addressing the second and third parts of the assignment.
Also, you'll need to put back in this the specific position you're applying for. In other words, don't forget about this part of the assignment:
... a specific job for which you might want to apply at a particular business or organization in your area. Outline what that position would look like. Brainstorm details, names, titles, and facts to provide depth to your paragraph and enable you to write a polished paragraph.
I’m replying to your career opportunity posted on your website. I understand that you are actively seeking to hire a Claims and Billing Coordinator at one of your TriHealth locations. This position is responsible for preparing claims for submissions to insurance systems. Impute schedules for physicians and maintains schedules for satellite offices. Conducts follow-up and clean-up of insurance claims as needed, also coordinates claims as necessary with primary billing office.
Ok, good -- now how will you put all this together to make it a coherent, polished piece of writing?
I’m replying to your career opportunity posted on your website. I understand that you are actively seeking to hire a Claims and Billing Coordinator at one of your TriHealth locations. This position is responsible for preparing claims for submissions to insurance systems. Impute schedules for physicians and maintains schedules for satellite offices. Conducts follow-up and clean-up of insurance claims as needed, also coordinates claims as necessary with primary billing office. My brother died nearly three years ago. He was taken to one of your locations where the doctors and nurses tried everything they could to save him; however, he passed away. Through that experience, though, I saw how your employees handle a very difficult situation, and all this really inspired me. I value your mission and visions to providing a full range of health related services including prevention, wellness, and education. I’ve been a stay-at-home mother for the past year and am now seeking a new opportunity for advancement and to ensure a stable future for myself and my family. The Health Care industry has always been a dream of mine to pursue, however I had to decide which area since there are so many different careers. After much researching I decided to pursue a Medical Billing & Coding degree, which led me to taking classes at Penn Foster University. Upon completion, I have gained the knowledge and proficiency in medical billing and collections programs. I also have the ability to multitask, follow through skills, a team-oriented attitude, and work well under pressure. As a Claims and Billing Coordinator within your company, I am confident that I could make a valuable contribution to the medical team serving your patients and insurance companies in a timely manner.
OK, now ... put your ideas into whole sentences and then into paragraphs. Remember that each paragraph has a topic sentence which is then explained in detail by the supporting sentences.
Waiting ...
This is a Penn Foster Exam !!!!!
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