Posted by Sara on Tuesday, October 5, 2010 at 7:25pm.
I see three things in your paper.
1. I don't believe the paragraphs are clearly defined or well developed. What have you been taught about developing a paragraph from a topic sentence. A paper like this should have an introduction, two or three paragraphs to demonstrate the character change, and a conclusion if the "after" paragraph is not strong enough to also be the conclusion.
2. It's very wordy. You need to work on making it more concise and less repetitive.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/concise.htm
3. If your paper is to prove that the main character changed during the story, it's not clear.
Revise and repost.
I think you summarized the story, but did not indicate much change. You told what K did.
Here is my point: How did K feel? How did K grow (in what ways)?
I think if I were you, I would forget about retelling the story, your teacher surely would be bored with that, but put yourself into K, and describe how she sees events, and how it makes her grow stronger.
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