Posted by Lindah on Tuesday, October 5, 2010 at 5:38pm.
Thanks for the correction I appreciated it.I am re-posting the narrative essay/summary please see if I have run on sentence, comma etc. It is due tomorrow.Thanks.
When I was in Africa, my mind and heart were involved in things such as what it took just to survive. My desire to be thin had never crossed my mind.
One day, in search of a good life, my brother led my family and I from our country and moved us to the United States of America.
Life in America was amazing:We had fresh water, a huge TV, and shelter. I was quiet fascinated by the thought of being in a classroom, sitting in a clean, well designed chair.
For the first time in my life I learned how to write, read in English. As years went by, I begin to adopt my surroundings and bought Teen magazines. It generally talked about how to be pretty, skinny and how to lose weight etc.
The images in the magazines heavily influenced me the way I looked at myself and I wanted to be just like them.
In my former country, I appreciated food and it was very hard to eat two meals in a day because of un-declining poverty.
However, in America I started to minimize what I ate, followed diet of 400 calories in day and mini work sessions. It was not like I was chubby, I just wanted to be fit.
My abnormal behavior has baffled my parents. They said that I am just going through a phase and that this behavior will soon disappear. Nonetheless, this thin obsession has caused me to do poorly in school and my admiration for education drastically diminished.
Based on this experience, I felt I was
losing my unique identity and that I
was forgetting the legitimate reasons I
came to America for. Which is to have a better life, get an education.
Nevertheless, I managed to deprive this illness away. Even though it was difficult to change my old habits of counting calories.
my family supported me on my journey of becoming normal again. I regained my confidence and body image issues dispelled. I was no longer tempted to buy Teen magazines were girls. I have learned that the girls in the magazine were unrealistic.
English - Writeacher, Tuesday, October 5, 2010 at 6:30pm
One day, in search of a good life, my brother led my family and me from our country and moved us to the United States of America.
Life in America was amazing:We had fresh water, a huge TV, and shelter. I was quiet<~~?? fascinated by the thought of being in a classroom and sitting in a clean, well designed chair.
For the first time in my life I learned how to read and write in English. As the years went by, I began to adapt to my surroundings and bought Teen magazines. They generally talked about how to be pretty and skinny.
The images in the magazines heavily influenced me<~~delete "me" the way I looked at myself<~~add comma and I wanted to be just like them.
Now YOU must go through the rest and make corrections. Find a friend who knows English and ask him/her to read your paper aloud to you. As your friend reads, you both will hear errors -- fix them. If I correct everything, then it's not your paper anymore, and your teacher will know it.
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