Posted by Ania on Thursday, September 30, 2010 at 2:13pm.
Here is the corrected one. Good job, though!
The most complicated journey I've ever been on was about an year ago, when I was going home with my friend. We even didn't leave Warsaw when the coach broke down. The driver tried to fix it by himself but he couldn't. It took 30 minutes. We returned to the bus station to take another bus. We got off there but a new problem occurred. There was an accident and the road was closed. It was hot outside and there was no air conditioner in the bus. Everyone on the bus was so nervous and angry. I couldn't wait to get home. Most passengers of the bus were late. This journey didn't last for 2.5 hours as it normally does but took almost 5 hours. It was horrible!
Thank you so much!
I will be frank with you. It is terrible.
As I am not certain of the purpose, it is difficult to make recommendations. However, your grammar indicates that you didn't proof. Take this sentence: "We've got off there a new problem occurred." I assume you can do better than that.
Here is my recommendation. Start over. Is this really a complicated journey? Is reads as if you were just delayed. Perhaps frustrating is a better description than complicated. But at any rate, you need to decide what you are describing. I think it might sound more descriptive if you wrote it from one of the passengers viewpoint, rather than yourself. Why was that passenger troubled? Why did it matter if she were late?
Work on this, and proof it yourself.
Sorry, but I'm from Poland and my English isn't very well. I think it's good enough for me.
(I'm 15 years old)
Thanks for your opinion.
No problem :)
It's OK, ignoring the matter of the paragraph, it's grammatically correct . The grammatical mistakes which the para conained have been corrected by me so it's OK.
I'm very sorry the two of you are willing to settle for this paragraph ... even "corrected" (which it isn't).
You both should be aiming for much better results.
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