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College English

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I'm writing an argument paper on school uniforms. I have wrote a thesis statement and need to have it checked. Any tips to improve would be helpful. Thanks!

School uniforms should be required in all public schools because not only do they cut down on the testing and bullying but they also help students have a better focus on school, and save parents money on clothes.

  • College English - ,

    I think you mean, "I have written ..." -- correct?

    The ideas are fine and your opinion is clear. One thing would be to make it more concise. It's very wordy.

    http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/concise.htm

    How can you make your sentence tighter?

  • College English - ,

    Thank you!

  • College English - ,

    You're welcome.

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