Posted by Anna on Monday, September 27, 2010 at 10:30pm.
This is my introduction paragraph for a descriptive essay. My professor told me that the thesis was a fact, not an idea. Is there a way that I can reword it to make it an idea?
Though being a parent is one of the greatest joys of life, teen parenting comes with a few consequences. Living in the attic of my boyfriend’s mother’s house is one of mine. The small apartment my boyfriend’s mom rents is located above a family owned grocery store. While the attic of the apartment serves as a pretty large bedroom for one person, it is not an ideal place for two young adults and a toddler to spend most of their time together. Maneuvering in the crowded room amongst the obstacles of toys, diapers, shoes, laundry baskets, and other personal belongings is a daily hassle. Finding enough space to organize all of our belongings is impossible. There is barely enough space to walk through the room. Sharing such a small space with between so many people is not something I am accustomed to; before I graduated from high school, my daughter and I lived with my mother. My mom owns a decently sized three bedroom house. My old home is not anything spectacular, but it is definitely larger than where I am living now. In addition, being that my mom was always at work, my daughter and I had an entire spacious house all to ourselves; however, clearly, now that is not the case. My bedroom, which I share with my boyfriend and my daughter, is unbearably crowded.
descriptive essay - Ms. Sue, Monday, September 27, 2010 at 10:34pm
What is your thesis statement?
What do you plan to describe?
descriptive essay - bobpursley, Monday, September 27, 2010 at 10:36pm
I would expand the essay into development of this idea: Stresses in life are amplified for teen parents.
That is an idea.
descriptive essay - Anna, Monday, September 27, 2010 at 10:38pm
Thesis statement: My bedroom, which I share with my boyfriend and my daughter, is unbearably crowded.
The professor wants one paragraph describing something to contrast to our main idea. That paragraph is about my mom's house. The rest of the essay is describing my bedroom.
descriptive essay - Anna, Monday, September 27, 2010 at 10:41pm
bobpursley- The essay has to describe a place. The thesis has to have a key term that refers to the place we are describing.
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