Posted by Pranaya on Thursday, September 9, 2010 at 1:10am.
First of all, what were the instructions of what you were to do? If you were to tell the story of Cinderella, it is a BAD idea to write it out first in English. I can not tell if that is what you did. Here's the KEY to telling a story: SIMPLIFY, using verbs, vocabulary that you have studied. That way you will not waste a lot of time looking up words. Naturally, you will not know ALL the vocabulary you would like to use, so you will have to look up some.
Since this is rather long and my eyes will not scan up and down , up and down, let me print what you have done. Then it will be easier for me to correct it. I'll get back to you.
Sra (aka Mme)
It would be easy to make your story more "sophisticated" by taking 2 simple sentences, combining them into a complex one. An example might be: Il est décu par elle. Il s'assied sur l'escalier. I est sans espoir, etc. = Complètement décu (par elle), il s'assied sur l'escalier, sns espoir, etc.
il n'a pas encore de chance
il regarde des pantoufles de cristal
Il a l'idée qu'il pourrait (you might like the Conditional rather than the Imperfect?)
I think it's best with the Subjunctive, if you have had that, here: il veut que toutes les dames dans son roaume viennent pour essayer les pantoufles de cristal.
il ne peut pas savoir ce qui se passe
I'd leave out the "juste" = elle vient d'y laisser des pantoufles de cristal = she just leaves
Elle a eu une autre pantoufle de cristal
elle trébuche (accent grave)
Elle devient complètement handicapée (adverbs usually to after the verb)
elle ne peut pas venir d'essayer (or pour essayer)
elle ne peut plus marcher (rather than double negative?)
Here's an easy place to combine: nouveau plan et voyage...pour chercher...our se marier avec elle
pense qu'elle est le deuxième amour
Now is the king or his son charming? ...le fils charmant du roi
ils vivent heureusement (adverb better than adjective)
Sra (aka Mme)
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